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"Good heavens! Who hooked you up? This one is cable TV!"
Tags:television, televisions, tv, tvs, t.v., t.v.s, television cable, television cables, t.v. cable, t.v. cables, tv cable, tv cables, cable television, cable tv, cable t.v., hospital, hospitals, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, nurse, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, bed-ridden, bedridden, iv, ivs, iv drip, iv drips, i.v., i.v.s, i.v. drip, i.v. drips, intravenous drip, intravenous drips, intravenous therapy, cable, cables, wire, wires, hooked up, mistake, mistakes, error, errors, many cables, many wires, modern life, modern medicine
"Well, Bob, it looks like a paper cut, but just to be sure let's do lots of tests."
"There's only so much modern medecine can do given your lousy insurance coverage."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's offices, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, modern medicine, medical technology, money, medical bills, fees, charges, medical costs, cost, costs, expenses, expensive, medical billing, insurance, health insurance, medical insurance, universal healthcare, universal health care, socialised medicine, socialized medicine, socialised healthcare, socialised health care, socialized healthcare, socialized health care, medicaid, medicare, obamacare, insurance coverage, limited, limit, limits, limitation, limitations, treatment, treatments, treating, curing, cure, cures
"His final wish was that all his medical bills be paid promptly."
Tags:medicine, medicines, medic, medical, medics, medical joke, modern medicine, modern world, exploit, exploitation, consumerism, consumer, capitalist, capitalism, private, private healthcare, healthcare, health, public healthcare, medicare, medi care, nhs, national health service, pro nhs, pro medicare, national health care, obamacare, death, dead, family, bitter humor, bitter humour, dark humor, dark humour, black humor, black humour, dark humor, dark humour, console, consoling, consolation, intensive care, sick, sickness, ill, illness, illnesses, sicknesses, doctor, doctors, surgeon, surgeons, surgery
"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"
Tags:growing old, old, old age, ageing, aging, elderly, senior, seniors, senior citizen, senior citizens, turning 80, 80 years old, turning eighty, eighty years old, modern life, beauty, beautiful, beach, beaches, beach scene, beach scenes, seashore, seaside, medical, medicine, modern medicine, plastic surgery, plastic surgeries, plastic surgeon, plastic surgeons, cosmetic surgery, cosmetic surgeries, cosmetic surgeon, cosmetic surgeons, woman, women
"I really want to thank you for these great telepsychiatry sessions, doctor. The format lends itself to easing my anxiety and feelings of inadequacy around others."
Tags:psychiatry, psychiatrists, psychiatrist, psychologist, psychology, psychologists, medicine, telemedicine, telecommute, telecommuting, telecommutes, computers, tech, technology, stay at home, work from home, patients, inadequate feelings, therapy, therapy sessions, psychiatry sessions, shrinks, shrink, inferiority complexes, lounging around, modern medicine, home body, home bodies, inferiority complex
"I hear they can freeze you until they discover a cure."
Tags:science, technology, medicine, medical, medical technology, medical science, freeze, cryogenics, discover, discovery, discoveries, cure, cures, treatment, treatments, disease, diseases, illness, sickness, modern medicine, history, historical, pre-history, pre-historical, prehistory, prehistorical, stone age, ice age, bc, b.c., before christ, woolly mammoth, woolly mammoths, mammoth, mammoths
'We just set a new record for tubes and wires in one patient.'
"If you need anything just log on with your personal pin code to the hospitals intranet where you'll find instructions for accessing the site where you can notify staff of any requirements you may have."
'Thank GOODNESS we've moved on from the bad old days when people with mental health problems were just labelled 'mad!''
Tags:schizophrenic, schizophrenics, schizophrenia, paranoid, paranoia, paranoias, paranoid schizophrenic, paranoid schizophrenics, mental health, mental state, mental states, mental illness, mental illnesses, modern medicine, psychiatrist, psychiatrists, psychiatry, therapist, therapists, therapy, label, labels, mad, madness, stigma, stigmas
"I'm afraid that kidney went to somebody who can write code."
Tags:utility, utilitarian, utilitarianism, kidney, transplant, transplants, waiting list, modern medicine, organ, organs, organ donation, donation, donations, organ donor, donor, donors, operate, operated, operation, operations, ill, illness, sick, sickness, computer science, priority, prioritise, prioritize, prioritised, prioritized, useful, usefulness, job, jobs, job market, capitalism, capitalist, merit, meritocracy, meritocratic, philosophy, hospital, hospitals, surgery, surgeon, surgeons, get well, get well soon, health, health insurance, insurance, money
"If I had waited for the perfect donor, chances are I'd still be waiting for a head transplant."
Tags:irony, ironic, artist, artists, art, modern, modern medicine, modern life, modern world, galleries, culture, cultures, cultured, postmodern, postmodernism, spoof, spoofed, spoofs, parodies, parodied, parody, donor, donors, plastic surgery, tiny head, organ donor, organ donation, donation, donations, head, heads
"We still don't have a diagnosis for your rash, so we're going to run some more money on it and see what happens."
'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'
"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"
"Of course it's necessary technology! We need machines to test the machines that test you!"
Death as a GP.
'Yo Doc! I've got a health app, how about you examine my phone while I wait in the pub?'
'I'm beginning to question the hospital's doctor exchange policy.'
'I keep forgetting... is it 'Starve a fever and feed a cold' or 'feed a fever and starve a cold'?'
'Despite all these changes in modern society, a prolapse is still a prolapse.'
St Berts - Britain's first open mouth surgery in progress.
'I hear you practice modern medicine.'
"I want you to put your faith in the miracle of modern medicine. By which I mean you should hope for a miracle."