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'I really hate it when the boss gets all motivational, and when he wears a thong!'
"You can achieve anything with a little hard work, dedication, and centuries of inherited privilege."
"I don't believe in affirmations. I believe in confirmations. The money you've paid me to be here confirms that I am awesome."
"The motivational speaker you hired is going to be late. He's having trouble getting out of bed."
"Stan used to be a motivational speaker but then the kids finally moved out."
'Bill got sacked, sleeps on a park bend and eats dog food. He's the most motivational speaker we've ever had.'
'We transformed our lives for the better.'
'By day career woman, by night captain of the pep club!'
"Sadly, no food was produced after they all became motivational speakers."
Anthony Rottweiler: Motivational Dog Speaker
"Put me on the intercom. It's time for the Morning Motivational Roar."
The pursuit of happiness: 'I caught it once. It was OK - but in my opinion, didn't live up to the hype.'
Reasons to trudge on in an indifferent world.
"You all know today's speaker. He's the 'King of Big Sales'."
When motivational speakers are TOO effective.
'Even in the mundane tasks, aim for perfection!'
Motivational Speakers of the Serengeti
Hanging off every word...
'Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! ...'
'Let's go! Let's go! Hustle! ...Relatively speaking.'
"Come on, you can beat this guy. If he was any good, he wouldn't be fighting you!"
'I sent an employee to a motivational seminar once. He came back and took my job.'
The Zen of Regulation
Motivational Speaker/Motivated Listener.
"Yeah! Okay you guys - let's do this!"