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"The truth? With all the fake news and alternative facts now, we're all just guessing."
I, too, used to doubt my own existence - but then I got audited by the IRS."
"Simple. You forgot to add the potassium nitrate."
'Think about this, Kid...If I knew the meaning of life, would I be spending mine, sitting on the top of a mountain?'
Guru to man: 'You'd better have a seat - people tend to fall down the mountain when I tell them the meaning of life.'
'The meaning of life? Gee, that's kind of a toughie...'
'I was once a realtor my self . . . the meaning of life is location, location, location.'
Guru about mountaintop covering: 'My wife knitted it.'
'Have you tried adjusting your grip on the golf club?'
'The meaning of life is 'don't ask, don't tell', and now we've both blown it!'
'No offence, but I'd like to enlighten you about your breath.'