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"Finally, your halftime show - the Mueller report!"
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"I'm here with my two best redactors."
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"Witch Hunt!"
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"Im..peach...ment!"
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"Told you it was a witch hunt. . ."
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"I miss the Commies."
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"...but no collusion!"
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Uncle Sam's Cousin Ivan Fills In After His Mysterious Suicide
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"Of course Comey's a showboat and a grandstander. Why else would he be that tall?"
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Foreign Alien Asks To See The President
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"This just in: Liechtenstein offers to buy the United States from Russia."
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"This Mueller report is nothing but a series of outright lies and fairy tales! It is without a doubt the largest collection of dreck ever committed to this printed page!"
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"Today the CIA investigated the FBI's investigation of the IRS' investigation of Trump."
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"Do you have proof the Russians are meddling with our erections?"
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"It's our duty to vote, but it's their duty to find someone worth voting for!"
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"Hello? Vladimir Putin please."
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William Barr
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