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"I forget, is this the show with the back stabbing, or the front stabbing?"
"And don't forget - make it look like an accident."
Tags:santa, santas, santa claus, father christmas, saint nick, st nick, st. nick, saint nicholas, st nicholas, st. nicholas, murder plot, murder plots, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, naughty list, nice list, nice, accident, accidents, present, presents, gift, gifts, christmas, xmas, christmases, xmases
"The only reason I would take my husband to Paris would be to hide the body."
Tags:husband, husbands, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, murder plot, murder plots, paris, vacation, vacations, holiday, holidays, marital problem, marital problems, marriage problem, marriage problems, hiding the body, wife, wives, evidence, crimes, crowd, crowds, tourist, tourists, tourist attraction, tourist attractions
"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."
Tags:masked intruder, masked intruders, burglar, burglars, burglary, burglaries, robber, robbers, robbery, robberies, thief, thieves, theft, thefts, wife, wives, husband, husbands, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, murder plot, murder plots, mariticide, mariticides, marital problem, marital problems, crimes, unhappy marriage, unhappy marriages
"Don't worry, sir - we've got all possible entrances covered!"
"Look! I see an abbreviated version of Disney's Bambi."
'She never stays mad at me for long.'
Tags:married couples, arguments, argument, grudges, grudge, holding grudges, lash out, lashing out, toaster, bath, bathing, electrocution, electrocute, electrocution, electrocuting, electrocutions, murder, murders, murder plot, murder plots, husband, husbands, wife, wives, married life, bathroom, hygiene, eating your words, spouse, husband, husbands, wives, wife, volatile, volatility
"So, how much would I get, if he was accidentally pushed down the stairs?"
"What kind of shovel do I need to dig a six foot hole? It's for my husband!"
"Ha ha, Newton! They'll blame it on a blunt instrument! No-one will ever suspect me! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
"Do you sell arsenic?"
"Jack jumped over the candlestick all right. The question is. . . who put it on the windowsill?"
"It wasn't a cooking accident. I think he's trying to kill me."
Tags:hand puppet, hand puppets, handpuppet, handpuppets, doctors, murders, murderer, murderers, murder plot, murder plots, doctor, health, mental health, murder, assault, self-harm, cutting, knife, seeking help, piercings, fighting, conflict, internal conflict, killing yourself, detachment, killer, killers
"What is your ex-wife's job again?"
"I buried three husbands. . .problem was, two of them were only napping."
"Oh, I'll get away with it - they'll blame it on a deer hunter!"
Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first make incontinent.
"Have you decided to have Grandma buried or cremated?"
How the dish was able to run away with the spoon
Tags:murder, murders, murderer, murderers, murdering, husband, husbands, wife, wives, eloping, murder plot, murder plots, hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, spoon, dish, car accident, elopement, elopements, eloped, romance, romances, nursery rhyme, nursery rhymes, nursery song, nursery songs
"er...ah...I had no idea he was her husband. I thought he was like any other fork in the road."