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'I'm in equities and mutual funds. You?'
"How can a fund that's loosing us money call itself socially responsible?"
Tags:financial planning, financial plan, retirement, retiring, retire, investment, investments, fund, funds, mutual fund, mutual funds, 401(k), 401k, 401ks, money market, market, stock market, trading, trade, stock trading, stock trader, stock trade, socially responsible investing, bad investment, bad investments, money, financial advisor, financial advisors, day trader, day traders, day trading, personal finances, market crash, market crashes
"Who said anything about marriage? What I'm offering is an array of mutual funds, variable annuities and life insurance."
"Didn't you used to manage our mutual fund?"
Tags:robbed, rob, robbery, robbers, daylight robbery, armed robbery, armed robber, burglar, burglary, gun, guns, gunman, gunmen, stick em up, stick 'em up, criminal, criminals, image gag, pun, play on words, word play, word-play, technical, technically, technicality, heist, heists, invert, inverted, wait a minute, hobo, bum, bums, violence, street, street crime, deadpan, dead pan, mug, mugged, mugging, economic, economy, economic crash, financial crash, market crash, mutual fund, mutual funds, manage, stock, stocks, stock broker, stock brokers, recognize, recognise
"I just don't see how an index fund tied to batting averages actually works."
Tags:correlation, correlations, positive correlation, positive correlations, stats, statistics, statistician, statisticians, batting average, batting averages, index fund, index funds, baseball, mutual fund, mutual funds, portfolio, portfolios, investment portfolio, investment portfolios, investor, investors, investing
'Proud parent of a successful family of mutual funds.'
The Tooth Accountant
Tags:tooth fairy, tooth fairies, accountant, accountants, accounting, accounting firms, bitcoin, bitcoins, mutual fund, mutual funds, investment, investments, investor, investors, hedge fund, hedge funds, stockbroker, stockbrokers, broker, brokers, portfolio, stock market, stocks and bonds, stock, stocks, bond, bonds, negotiate, negotiating, negotiator, negotiators, long-term, long-term thinking, long-term thought, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers
"If I could pick just one keepsake, I think it would be the mutual funds."
Tags:mutual fund, mutual funds, keepsake, keepsakes, memento, mementos, tchotchke, tchotchkes, sick, sickness, ill, illness, greed, greedy, greediness, stock, stocks, stockholder, stockholders, investor, investors, investment, investments, investing, deathbed, deathbeds, remember, remembers, memory, memories, offspring, selfish, selfishness, memorial, memorials, in memorium, reminder, reminders, money motivated, greed motivated
'Dan doesn't need summer off. He plays at work all day with something called mutual funs!'
'Oh, Cynthia. I must tell you. I just found the cutest little mutual fund...'
'Why isn't anyone ever concerned about Joe-the-Mutual-Fund-Manager?'
'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'
'Yes, it went from 100 to 2, which is down 98%, but then it went from 2 to 4, which is up 100%, so you're ahead.'
'...and help my parents to pick the right mutual funds in my portfolio for my education...'
'You're not going to lose a cent with the Bermuda Triangle Fund. Every dollar I've ever put into it is still there...somewhere.'
'Harold took the advice of the 'experts' and only invested in things he understood, which is why our portfolio consists entirely of Anheuser-Busch and Phillip Morris.'
'Like most fund managers, I consistently under-perform the market--but I do it with real flair.'
'I have decided to step down to spend more time with my family... of mutual funds.'
'Look at the bright side. Think of our mutual funds going up, up, up!'
"What do you mean, the market rallied?"
'What do we have in the way of investments for someone who claims to have a six-figure beta?'
'It's the most environmentally sensitive mutual fund I can suggest. The prospectus is printed with soy ink on vegetable parchment. If you decide not to invest, you can serve it for lunch.'
'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'
"Frankly, sir, you don't look like the mutual fund type."
'Of Coure it's a buy! This company is now the largest complier with Sarbanes-Oxley.'