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'I'm in equities and mutual funds. You?'
"How can a fund that's loosing us money call itself socially responsible?"
Tags:financial planning, financial plan, retirement, retiring, retire, investment, investments, fund, funds, mutual fund, mutual funds, 401(k), 401k, 401ks, money market, market, stock market, trading, trade, stock trading, stock trader, stock trade, socially responsible investing, bad investment, bad investments, money, financial advisor, financial advisors, day trader, day traders, day trading, personal finances, market crash, market crashes
"Who said anything about marriage? What I'm offering is an array of mutual funds, variable annuities and life insurance."
Tags:relationship, relationships, marriage, marriages, marriage proposal, marriage proposals, proposal, proposals, proposing, girlfriend, girlfriends, boyfriend, boyfriends, partner, partners, couple, couples, dating, mutual fund, mutual funds, variable annuity, variable annuities, life insurance, money, finances, modern life
"Didn't you used to manage our mutual fund?"
Tags:robbed, rob, robbery, robbers, daylight robbery, armed robbery, armed robber, burglar, burglary, gun, guns, gunman, gunmen, stick em up, stick 'em up, crime, criminal, criminals, image gag, pun, play on words, word play, word-play, technical, technically, technicality, heist, heists, invert, inverted, wait a minute, hobo, bum, bums, violence, street, street crime, deadpan, dead pan, mug, mugged, mugging, economic, economy, economic crash, financial crash, market crash, mutual fund, mutual funds, manage, stock, stocks, stock broker, stock brokers, recognize, recognise
"I just don't see how an index fund tied to batting averages actually works."
Tags:correlation, correlations, positive correlation, positive correlations, stats, statistics, statistician, statisticians, batting average, batting averages, index fund, index funds, baseball, mutual fund, mutual funds, portfolio, portfolios, investment portfolio, investment portfolios, investor, investors, investing
'Proud parent of a successful family of mutual funds.'
The Tooth Accountant
Tags:tooth fairy, tooth fairies, accountant, accountants, accounting, accounting firms, bitcoin, bitcoins, mutual fund, mutual funds, investment, investments, investor, investors, hedge fund, hedge funds, stockbroker, stockbrokers, broker, brokers, portfolio, stock market, stocks and bonds, stock, stocks, bond, bonds, negotiate, negotiating, negotiator, negotiators, long-term, long-term thinking, long-term thought, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers
"If I could pick just one keepsake, I think it would be the mutual funds."
Tags:mutual fund, mutual funds, keepsake, keepsakes, memento, mementos, tchotchke, tchotchkes, sick, sickness, ill, illness, greed, greedy, greediness, stock, stocks, stockholder, stockholders, investor, investors, investment, investments, investing, deathbed, deathbeds, remember, remembers, memory, memories, offspring, selfish, selfishness, memorial, memorials, in memorium, reminder, reminders, money motivated, greed motivated
'Dan doesn't need summer off. He plays at work all day with something called mutual funs!'
'Oh, Cynthia. I must tell you. I just found the cutest little mutual fund...'
'Why isn't anyone ever concerned about Joe-the-Mutual-Fund-Manager?'
'Excellent! Our tests confirm that the average shareholder falls asleep by page 9 of the 10-K. Place the notice of the IRS audit on page 10.'
'Look, it's like I told you yesterday, if you want to invest in mutual funds you've got to start thinking long-term.' (Man wearing sign saying 'The End is Nigh').
'Procter and Gamble? I dunno, sounds risky - what if everyone stops using toilet paper?'
'Okay, 20% in cash, 30% in bonds and 50% in stocks--You forgot to include lottery tickets.'
'...and help my parents to pick the right mutual funds in my portfolio for my education...'
'You'll be happy to know that Huff & Swoon has earned a AAA rating 30 years in a row - from our very own research staff.'
'All right, I got a pencil. Now, how do you figure the P/E ratio again?'
'Honey! Great news! There's a new ETF!'
"...and help my parents to pick the right mutual funds in my portfolio for my education..."
Tags:kid, kids, child, children, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, motherhood, father, fathers, fatherhood, dad, dads, family, families, praying, prayer, prayers, education, higher education, college, university, college fund, university fund, fee, fees, tuition, tuition fees, savings, saving money, education fund, money, investing, investment, investments, investor, investors, mutual funds, portfolio, portfolios, finances
'I have decided to step down to spend more time with my family... of mutual funds.'
'Look at the bright side. Think of our mutual funds going up, up, up!'
"What do you mean, the market rallied?"
''Oh, no,' said Goldilocks, 'don't tell me that the return on investment capital is only 3 percent...'
'It's the most environmentally sensitive mutual fund I can suggest. The prospectus is printed with soy ink on vegetable parchment. If you decide not to invest, you can serve it for lunch.'