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'Lungs, normal. Heart, normal. Kidneys, normal. For the life of me, I can't figure out where your pain is coming... wait. Do you play hockey?'
NHL's toughest coach: 'I'm sick of all this whining! Hockey's a rough game!. . . Now get back out there!'
NHL, new season!
"Look! The first fight of the NHL season."
'Canada ranks 6th in global happiness.'
All three little pigs played hockey, but only the pig with the hockey stick made of brick made it to the NHL.
Slap on the Wrist Box.
'... and remember. The league is cracking down on violence. If you start a fight, you'll be sent right to the penalty box to be neutered.'
'Professional ice hockey is banning hits to the head...players may now back into each other when leaving the NHL parking lot.'
The Vancouver riot
The Stanley Cup comes home to Canada
His Other Shtick
On this date: Overly enthused and attending an NHL game en masse, the National Parole Board exceeds its mandate.
Gary Betteman: I'm wishing for a settlement before Christmas.
Goodenow & Bettman: We have a deal Bob! But do we have any fans left?
Buffalo Sabres beating Ottawa just like Toronto always does.
The Leafs win the Cup!