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I'll do what everybody does–sell this startup just before we have to hire a female employee.
Tags:sexist, gamer, gamers, gaming, tech company, tech companies, startup, startups, start-up, start-ups, silicon valley, women in the workplace, geek, geeks, geeky, male-dominated, glass ceiling, glass ceilings, feminist, feminists, feminism, misogyny, misogynist, misogynists, positive discrimination, affirmative action, hire, hires, new hire, bro, bros, tech bro, tech bros, diversity, diversity hire, diversity hires, discriminate, discriminates, discriminating, discrimination
"I'm looking to hire someone who can be acquiescent without making me uncomfortably aware of it."
Tags:underling, underlings, corporate ladder, corporate ladders, acquiesce, acquiescing, subservient, subservience, attitude, attitudes, boss, bosses, manager, managers, corporate culture, power trip, power trips, new hire, new hires, ideal employee, ideal employees, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, honest, honesty, self-aware, self-awareness
"This is Stan, He's helping us look beneath the surface of reality to transcendent truths, in order to make a buck."
Tags:business, businessman, businessmen, boss, bosses, executive, executives, exec, execs, manager, managers, management, office, offices, office life, employee, employees, worker, workers, introductions, introducing, reality, transcendent, truth, truths, money, finances, making money, new hire, new hires, philosophy, profit, profits
"Frankly, we're at a loss, so we're looking for someone young and stupid to tell us what to do."
Tags:generations, generation, generation gap, age gap, age, ages, baby boomer, baby boomers, boomer, boomers, middle age, middle aged, young, youth, office, offices, business, businesses, businessman, businessmen, executive, executives, failing business, millennial, millennials, college educated, university educated, fresh start, new ideas, new idea, suggestion, suggestions, hiring, hired, new hire
"Your interest in the salary makes me wonder how 'self-motivated' you really are."
Tags:hiring, new hire, new hires, recruiting, recruitment, recruiter, recruiters, human resources, hr, h.r., interview, interviews, negotiation, negotiations, salary negotiation, salary negotiations, salary, salaries, income, wage, wages, money, pay, self-motivated, motivation, motivations, motive, motives, true motive, true motives, office life, business, employee, employees, worker, workers, motivating factor, motivating factors, self-starter, self-starters, suspicious, suspiciousness
'Where's My Job'
Tags:world of work, new job, new hire, hiring, hires, recruiting, recruitment, recruiter, human resource, human resources, hr, h r, pun, puns, word play, word-play, play on words, waldo, wally, invisible, invisible homeless, homeless, hobo, bum, job, jobs, fired, fire, unemployment, unemployed, dole, on the dole, benefits, public benefit, public benefits, beg, begging, beggar, beggars, character, characters
"Welcome to orientation."
Tags:welcome, orientation, job orientation, workplace orientation, new job, new jobs, new starter, new starters, welcome day, welcome days, induction, inductions, new hire, new hires, newby, newbies, visual pun, visual puns, pun, puns, play on words, wordplay, ange, angles, direction, directions, at an angle, slant, slanted
'We give all our new hires these forms to fill out and a copy of our mission statement on converting to a paperless office.'
"Where's that young turk that I hired not so long ago?"
"I fear there are only so many bamboo metaphors the average reader can tolerate."
Tags:interview, interviews, interviewer, interviewee, interview skills, interview skill, get hired, hired, hiree, hiring, hires, new hire, new hires, panda, pandas, talking animal, talking animals, job, jobs, new job, new jobs, working world, work, world of work, editorial, editor, editors, censor, censorship, metaphor, metaphors, puns, pun, overused, overuse, over used, over use, bamboo, bamboo joke, panda, pandas, cute, cute animals, manuscript, manuscripts, agent, agents, rejection, reject, rejected, book, books, bookish, book worm, book worms
'We provide temporary housing for new hires.'
"Right now it's between you and two hundred and fifty other people who came to Seattle, moved in with five roommates, joined a band, took a job in a coffee bar, got fed up, had a meeting with themselves, and decided it was time to go out and find a real job."
Tags:hire, hires, hiring, seattle, cliche, cliches, millennial, millennials, slacker, slackers, slack off, slacking off, 30, 30s, thirtysomething, thirtysomethings, personnel, hire, hires, hiring, new hire, new hires, job interview, job interviews, interview, interviews, interviewing, c/v, c/vs, resume, resumes
"I hate to see you go, but I've met the new you and she seems very nice."
Tags:business, businessman, businessmen, office, offices, office life, employee, employees, worker, workers, personnel, hr, h.r., human resources, fired, laid off, unemployment, termination, being fired, getting fired, new hire, new hires, replacement, replacements, rude, impolite, bad manners, quitting
"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"
Tags:business meeting, business meetings, meeting, meetings, client, clients, new client, new clients, new hire, new hires, new employee, new employees, employer, employers, employees, hiring, hiring process, hire, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, interviewer, interviewers, interviewee, interviewees, human resources, hr, h.r., recruitment, recruiter, recruiters, surprise, surprises, unexpected, walrus, walruses, surprise, surprised, businessmen, businessman, salesman, salesmen, sales call, sales calls, business deal, business deals, sexist, women in business, women, women in power
"You're getting a legendary desk. Some of these cords go back six, seven managers ago."
Tags:clutter, clutters, cluttered, mess, messy, messes, tidying, tidy, new job, congratulations, job, employment, hired, hire, new hire, employed, employee, employers, offices, desk, desks, messy desk, untidy, hoarder, hoarded, hoard, hoarding, desk job, desk jockey, managers, management, manager, wires, wire, wired, tech, technology, office work, modern life, modern
"Good to have you aboard. Now, let's meet some of the oddballs weirdos and eccentrics you'll be working with."
Tags:business, businessman, businessmen, boss, bosses, executive, executives, exec, execs, manager, managers, management, office, offices, office life, employee, employees, worker, workers, new job, new jobs, new hire, new hires, hiring, oddball, oddballs, weirdo, weirdos, eccentric, eccentrics, coworker, coworkers, colleague, colleagues
"He's our new expert in logistics and 24 hour global delivery systems."
Coming Soon to an Office Near You: Invaders From the Planet of the Recent College Graduates
Tags:graduates, younger generation, generation gap, youth, young, younger, hiring, hire, new hire, new hires, graduate, college grad, grad, grads, college grads, unemployment, unemployed, laid off, lay off, downsizing, cut, cuts, cutting costs, cutting cost, world of work, working world, millennial, millennial, baby boomer, baby boomers, age, ageing
This is Pandora, our new Content Manager.
"Where's Waldo in five years?"
Tags:where, where do you see yourself, in five years, five year plan, five-year plan, five-year-plan, planning, plan, plans, planned, career, careers, career plan, career advice, careers advice, job, jobs, job interview, interviews, interviewing, resume, good resume, cv, good cv, c v, interview skills, world of work, new job, new hire, hiring, hires, recruiting, recruitment, recruiter, human resource, human resources, hr, h r, pun, puns, word play, word-play, play on words
"Stick your head out the window, davenport, and see way the wind is blowing.''
"And Thursday is karaoke night."
Tags:office, offices, business, businesses, businessman, businessmen, executive, executives, hiring, hired, hiring manager, manager, managers, employment, employee, employees, get together, gathering, karaoke, sing along, trend, trends, perk, work perks, benefit, benefits, modern life, new hire, new employee, new hires, new employees, new staff
"He eats a lot but has good horse sense."
Tags:cpa, cpas, accountant, accountants, accounting, accounts receivable, accounts payable, horse, horses, horse sense, common sense, literal, literally, figurative, figuratively, eat, eats, big eater, big eaters, eats like a horse, new hire, new hires, new job, new jobs, expression, expressions, saying, sayings, idiom, idioms
"I'm beginning to have serious doubts about the efficiency of those psychological job-placement tests."
Tags:efficient, efficiency, job placement, job placement test, job placement tests, job market, job markets, test, tests, exam, exams, examination, examinations, standardized test, standardized tests, standardised test, standardised tests, inefficient, inefficiency, job candidate, job candidates, new hire, new hires, recruiter, recruiters, job recruiter, job recruiter, job recruitment, recruitment, hiring officer, hiring officers
'This is wonderful?pathological loyalty is exactly what we're looking for!'