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'We did a background check on this guy and he came up squeaky clean... just what is he trying to hide anyway?'
"You get five paid sick days and two disgruntled days."
Tags:employed, employment, employer, employers, sick day, sick days, sick leave, disgruntled, disgruntlement, employment law, worker benefits, workers benefits, worker's benefits, bad employer, bad employers, unfulfilled, unfulfilling, unfulfilling job, unfulfilling jobs, unfulfilling work, ill, illness, unwell, sick, sickness, entitlement, new job, new jobs, contract, contracts, job contract, job contracts, work contract, work contracts, unhappy, unhappiness, job satisfaction
"This is fine, General, but how are your typing skills?"
Tags:personnel, hr, h.r., human resources, recruitment, recruiter, recruiters, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, applicant, applicants, candidate, candidates, cv, c.v., curriculum vitae, resume, resumes, job, jobs, experience, hiring, military, general, generals, typing skills, qualifications, skills, career change, career changes, changing careers, new job, new jobs, new career, new careers, modern life
"I'm so ready to quit - the pay sucks, and every night I go home reeking of hazelnut."
Tags:barista, baristas, hipster, hipsters, coffee, coffee shop, coffee shops, coffee bar, coffee bars, low wage, low pay, hazelnut, smell, smells, smelling, quit, quits, quitting, minimum wage, job, jobs, gripe, gripes, griping, complain, complains, complaining, complaint, complaints, wage, wages, unrewarding, new job, new jobs
'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'
"Give me a hug. I can tell a lot about a man by the way he hugs."
Tags:interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, job application, job applications, handshake, handshakes, hug, hugs, hugging, interview technique, interview techniques, interviewer, interviewers, personnel, personnel officer, personnel officers, new job, new jobs, surprise, surprises, personal space, personal boundaries
"Here's how to fit in: overstress, overthink, and wine about everything."
Tags:fit in, fitting in, new employee, new employees, newbie, new job, new jobs, workplace culture, workplace cultures, complain, complaining, complaints, stress, stressful environment, stressful workplace, stressful workplaces, whine, whinge, stoned, stoner, stoners, joint, joints, smoking, smoker, smokers, marajana
"I haven't always been a cowboy, you know."
Tags:cowboy, cowboys, pirate, pirates, piracy, career, careers, career change, career changes, change, changes, telltale sign, telltale signs, obvious, sign, signs, horse, horses, cowpoke, cowpokes, western, westerns, sea pirate, sea pirates, peg leg, peg legs, job, jobs, new job, new jobs, new role, new roles
Induction day at the modern art gallery was proving to be heavy going for Sam. . .
"The garden is my résumé."
"Don't worry, our benefits cover great therapy."
Tags:deal with the devil, dealing with the devil, devil, devils, demon, demons, sign your soul away, signing your soul away, new job, new jobs, nightmare job, nightmare jobs, employment contract, employment contracts, hellish job, hellish jobs, work benefit, work benefits, therapy, need therapy, workplace stress
'You must be the new hire. Welcome aboard. Here's our prepackaged curriculum. If time permits, encourage critical thinking.'
"I should warn you- I'm a hugger."
'The best advice I can give, to a young teacher, is to realize that students will probably forget most of what you say but not how it made them feel.'
"It's an adjustment being a handshake guy in a fist-bump company."
Tags:handshake, handshakes, fist bump, fist bumps, fist bumping, bumping fists, greet, greets, greeting, culture clash, culture clashes, new job, new jobs, adjustment, adjustments, adjustment period, adjustment periods, settle in, settles in, settling in, broken arm, broken arms, broken hand, broken hands, broken bone, broken bones, career change, career changes, commiserate, commiserates, commiserating, culture shock, culture shocks, system shock, system shocks, socially awkward, social awkwardness
"Oh dear did we neglect to read the contract thoroughly?"
"Firkins, when you're done with those photocopies, remove the new guy from his packaging, will you?"
Tags:employee, employees, employer, employers, hr, human resources, personnel, new job, new jobs, newbie, newbies, doll, dolls, toy, toys, package, packages, packaging, office job, office jobs, office worker, office workers, hr management, hr manager, hr managers, corporate culture, office drone, office drones
'We're looking for impartial people who think the way we do.'
"Something tells me his demands may be difficult to meet."
"Welcome to orientation."
Tags:welcome, orientation, job orientation, workplace orientation, new job, new jobs, new starter, new starters, welcome day, welcome days, induction, inductions, new hire, new hires, newby, newbies, visual pun, visual puns, pun, puns, play on words, wordplay, ange, angles, direction, directions, at an angle, slant, slanted
"So, where do you see yourself in ten minutes?"
Tags:interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, interview question, interview questions, cliche, cliches, where do you see yourself in ten years, job application, job applications, interviewer, interviewers, pretentious, pretension, pretentiousness, new job, new jobs, ambition, ambitions, ambitious, career goal, career goals, modern life
'I'm not sure precisely what I do, but I know I've got to be on the fifty-second floor...'
"Big day, Haskins. The training wheels come off.",
I don't know what it is but I just think the chap in the middle would fit into the firm REALLY well.