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"Hear ye, hear ye! I'm Rolf. I'm Gweneth. And this is Kingdom News at 5."
BREAKING FAKE NEWS
"Well, it's not wrong if you consider the alternative facts."
'An important update..'
'Eyewitnesses reported a grizzly,grizzly scene.'
"Clearly it's the silly season."
Mankind's first extra-terrestrial perp walk.
'Today, homeless people demonstrated, and said they were part of a pro-tax lobby.'
"What with Brexit and the U.S elections the media have lost interest in me."
'We interrupt this Special Bulletin to give you an even more special bulletin!'
'Stocks rebounded from the downturn on the news that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'
'Today, Commodity Futures Prices rose on news that there's more to life than money, money, money.'
News reporters sitting on news about media monopolies.
'In an effort to reduce TV violence, this station is cancelling all news programs.'
Newsroom: 'Police are on the lookout for a robber dubbed the 'if you write about me I'll hunt you down like a dog' bandit.'
'Stocks rose on news that in the corporate boardroom and in politics, hot air always rises.'
'I never thought I'd say this, but I miss George Bush Senior's lips.'
'Fighting broke out today in Silicon Valey between PC aficionados and Mac owners...'
"I'm not sure, Ms. Reed. MSNBC says it's eight, and Fox News says it's six."
"I've raised my fret level."