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'When we talk about a 'needs' led service. The 'NEED' is to stay in budget!'
'If we allow you to use exception coding just because someone is a little bit dead then there's no knowing where it might end.'
'Once you introduce profit into the NHS what will you end up with?'
'Get behind me Satan!'
NHS development plan: "We're planning on filling in the details later,"
'Remember the NHS ethos; if it ain't broke, break it. Then make sure it can't be mended.'
Tags:nhs, national health service, nhs reform, nhs reforms, healthcare reform, healthcare reforms, nhs ethos, nhs budget, nhs budgets, government policy, government policies, ministry of health, health reform, health reforms, nhs reorganisation, nhs reorganization, nhs reorganizations, nhs reorganisations
"The government will continue to provide the full range of NHS services to ANYONE who needs them WHENEVER they need them!"
"The hostel idea was too expensive."
"The artificial hip was beyond out budget, so we've replaced yours with a can of peaches."
"Any chance you could come back in ten months?"
Surgeons cut apart the health budget with an axe.
Remaining positive about the NHS.
"As part of our attempt to save £22 billion in future Nurse Partridge will be stewing your medication from twigs and pigeon vomit!"
"Are you sure that cutting him up will make him better?"
"The business consultant has ordered a 20% cut in compassion to save money so I'm afraid you'll have to talk to yourself from now on!"
'We take concerns about billions of pounds of NHS fraud very seriously. In fact I've asked Nurse Miggins to sort it out as soon as she gets back from lunch!'
'There's no money to provide 'Care in the Community'...but we have just enough to move him into the carpark!'
'Most of our staff are now qualified...mainly as accountants!'
The management consultants recommended the use of more portable technology on the wards...but we couldn't afford laptops.'
'On a POSITIVE note the leaflet we have outlining the services we can't provide is published in 37 different languages!'
'It's that glass of water you asked for!'
'The ward 'Christmas Festivities' have had to be cut...but management say patients can still use the office to photocopy your bottoms.'
'Amazing, we withdrew his normal prescription of constant change and interference and he seems to have recovered completely.'
'In future NHS budgets are to be spent by front line staff...I'm buying a villa in the Algarve.'
The NHSAUSAURUS: 'There's a giant rock coming from the sky...we must hide.'