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Bedtime Of The Gods
Tags:ancient, ancient egypt, egypt, egyptian, egyptians, pagan, paganism, pagans, personification, personify, bedtime, teeth, tooth, toothbrush, dental, dental hygiene, dental care, oral, oral hygiene, toothpaste, floss, tooth paste, flossing, offering, offerings, sacrifice, sacrificing, god, gods, avatar, descended, descending, primitive, early man, primitive man, religious, religion, religious offering, religious imagery, invert, inverted, inversion
"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."
Tags:religion, religious, church, churches, priest, priests, minister, ministers, pastor, pastors, clergyman, clergymen, reverend, reverends, sermon, sermons, parish, congregation, congregations, parishioner, parishioners, church-goer, church-goers, sick, sickness, ill, illness, disease, diseases, death, dying, church fund, church funds, donation, donations, offering, offerings, money, punishment, punishments, blessing, blessings, money-hungry, greedy, greed, sin, sins, grotesque
"Whatever happened on that other island, this is the way he likes it now."
Tags:food, takeaway, takeaways, takeout, takeout, take-out, take-outs, delivery, container, containers, box, boxes, chinese, to go, new york, new york city, ny, nyc, ape, apes, giant ape, giant apes, gorilla, gorillas, giant, giants, monster, monsters, movie, movies, film, films, movie monster, movie monsters, sacrifice, sacrifices, sacrificing, offering, offerings, taste, tastes
"A word to the wise. When the gods speak, they'd better say 'across-the-board tax cut."
Tags:temple, temples, worship, worshiping, inca, incas, mayan, maya, god, gods, ancient civilizations, ancient culture, ritual, rituals, offering, offerings, oracle, oracles, ceremony, ceremonies, ancient ceremony, ancient ceremonies, ancient temple, ancient temples, religious ceremony, religious ceremonies, ancient ritual, ancient rituals, tax, taxes, tax cut, tax cuts, politics, taxation, tax policy, tax policies, fiscal policy, fiscal policies, treasury
"It being Saturday night, the gods have asked for pizza."
Sacrifices at 4:00PM and 6:00PM
Tags:demon, demons, devil, devils, sacrifice, sacrifices, sacrificing, museum, museums, artifact, artifacts, effigy, effigies, statue, statues, altar, altars, idol, idols, religious imagery, religions, beast, the beast, wicked, satanist, satanism, doom, doomed, horror, scary, fear, fears, visiting hours, visitor hours, offering, offerings
'Billy, you're embarrassing us. Please stop saying 'ka-ching, ka-ching'.'
"I was comped."
"I'm afraid you have miscounted your blessings, Reverend."
Tags:tax inspector, tax inspectors, tax inspecting, tax return, tax returns, tax, taxes, taxation, taxing, reverend, reverends, minister, ministers, blessing, blessings, offering, offerings, vicar, vicars, priest, priests, tax officer, tax officers, tax inspector, tax inspectors, income tax, income taxes, tax demeanor, tax demeanors
"Now and then I offer it a small sacrifice such as yourself."
Tags:business, businessman, businessmen, boss, bosses, executive, executives, exec, execs, manager, managers, management, office, offices, office life, employee, employees, worker, workers, god, gods, sacrifice, sacrifices, offering, offerings, human sacrifice, human sacrifices, religion, religious, threat, threats, threatening, creepy, scary, time to quit, statue, statues
Tags:idol, idols, stone idol, stone idols, statue, statues, aztec, aztecs, astec idol, aztec idols, sacrifice, sacrifices, gossip, gossiping, gossips, gossipers, chat, chatting, complain, complaining, entitled, entitlement, offering, offerings, religious offering, religious offering, mesoamercian culture, post-classic period, aztec culture, gods, idle gossip, idle gossiping, papaya, papayas, food offering, food offerings, goat, goats, mesoamerican, mesoamerican religion, catch-up, catches up, catching up
"Let's quit helping those who don't need help, stop supporting failed programs, cut entitlements...and offer the dog to the gods."
Tags:conservative, conservatives, social conservative, social conservatives, budget hawk, budget hawks, budget cut, budget cuts, entitlement, entitlements, entitlement program, entitlement programs, dog, dogs, sacrifice, sacrifices, republican, republicans, libertarian, libertarians, caveman, cavemen, cave man, cave men, spending, deficit, deficits, deficit spending, austerity, austerity measure, austerity measures, outdated, outdated idea, outdated ideas, liberal, liberals, socialist, socialists, socialism, left-wing, offering, offerings, primitive, primitives, paleocon, paleocons, paleoconservative, paleoconservatives
Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'
"All we can do is continue offering sacrifices and hope its magic power will return."
Tags:cave, caveman, prehistory, prehistoric, pre historic, pre-historic, pre-history, cavemen, neanderthal, neanderthals, homo sapien, homo sapiens, homo erectus, early man, early men, stone age, stone-age, stone ages, stone-ages, dark age, dark-age, iron age, iron ages, bronze age, bronze ages, sacrifice, sacrifices, sacrificial, time travel, tech, technological, clash, culture clash, offering, offerings, altar, altars, magic, magical
Regifts of the Magi
Tags:magi, three kings, three, wisemen, wisemen, wiseman, king, kings, gift, gifts, present, presents, re-gifting, regifting, regift, regifts, re-gifting, re-gifts, wordplay, word play, bad gift, bad gifts, bad present, bad presents, offering, offerings, baby jesus, jesus, nativity, christmas, christmas story, birth of jesus, religion, religious, epiphany
'This church accepts all denominations - fivers, tenners, and twenties. . .'
'Wait...I have a coupon.'
"Special Easter offering."
'How can you be so cheap?'
"Animal sacrifice isn't necessary, son. Just shake out a few dimes."
"He's very angry. He wanted the tuna and egg."
Tags:animal, animals, pet, pets, pet owner, pet owners, cat, cats, feline, felines, cat owner, cat owners, food, cat food, religion, religious, pagan, god, gods, offering, offerings, angry, upset, unhappy, tuna, egg, priest, priests, high priest, high priests, temple, temples, statue, statues, ancient, history, historical
"During the collection, please remember that the road to our church is currently paved with good intentions."
"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"
"Since you tithed from the 'net' and not the 'gross', you're going to Hog Heaven instead."
"The pastor has got to work on that lisp of his."
Tags:pastor, preacher, minister, reverend, tithe, tithes, neck-tie, neck-ties, lisps, lisping, lisped, pastors, preachers, ministers, reverends, vicar, vicars, priest, priests, speech impediment, speech impediments, church, churches, collection plate, collection plates, offering, offerings, tie, ties, necktie, neckties, lisp, money, cash, offering, church, church service