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'Don't think of yourself as a tiny cog in a huge machine.'
"This employee contract is unacceptable, 97% of it is gibberish... I want the other 3% sorted out now!"
"They complain about cost of driving clients around but when you suggest an alternative they moan...I mean it's not as if I'm telling them to run!"
And now Tom will give a presentation regarding our profits forecast
"Customer complaints are a 'learning' experience... and the first thing you need to learn is how to use the office shredding machine."
"Questions have been raised about our leadership skills!"
"You have to follow the guidance on dealing with complaints precisely or else the shredder gets blocked."
"Our accountancy firm says that there are a number of ways to interpret the figures... which one do you prefer?"
"And Tuesday through Friday is the time I put aside to manage my time management system."
"One of the failed candidates wants to know what was wrong with his 'aplicashun.'"
Tags:recruit, recruitment, recruiter, recruiters, office, office cartoons, office cartoons, hr, personal management, application, cv, interview, poor recruit, recruitment strategy, candidate, failed candidate, job application, job applications, job search, feedback, spelling, bad spelling, poor spelling
Morris was going to get more difficult than most to adjust to a paperless office
"With so many people working from home we are cutting back on space, you'll be working from the stationary cupboard in the future."
"I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go. . . we need to make savings to pay for the locums!"
"How far do you think they had to go fill the post?"
Tags:recruitment, recruitments, recruit, recruiting, recruited, recruits, recruitment officer, recruitment officers, interview, interviews, interviewing, interviewee, hire, hires, hiring, hired, hr, hr cartoons, office, office cartoons, office and cartoons, business and cartoons, business and cartoons, manager, main management, management, alien, aliens, e.t., extraterrestrial, extraterrestrials, watercooler talk, gossip, gossips, gossiped, gossiping
"So you only got one Valentine's car, it could have been worse!"
"Colin didn't feel comfortable coming back to the office but he has sent his emoji in his place."
"I hate people buy a coffee and then spent all day in the café working
"Profits are plummeting and we've had a record number of complaints but the good news is that we've made significant progress on rewriting our 'printer ink management protocols.'"
Tags:business, business cartoons, office, office cartoons, meeting, meetings, management, manager, management consultant, bureaucracy, bureaucratic, pointless meetings, profit, profits, business strategy, failing business, falling profits, profits, losses, complaints, customer complaints, good news, bad news, processes, protocols, pointless
"Health and safety need you to put rubber tips on your arrows and replace the angel tears in your love potion with saline."
"It's a simple model but it works for me!"
"I knew coming back into the office would present problems..."
"The plan is to use our disappearing profits to employ some non-existent specialists to hit our new hypothetical targets."
"Planning, who's got time for planning... I don't even have time to get dressed in the morning."
"It's only panic alarm system... it goes off every time management suggest another reorganisation."
"Tom has had a few problems getting back into the office routine after such a long time in lockdown."