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"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"
'Don't tell me the office intranet is down again!!'
"I'm faxing you something. What's your new area code?"
"Are you sending emails or ZZZ mails?"
Do you want to make sure you e-mails don't get ignored.
"Some e-mails just can't be ignored!"
Do your e-mails stand out from the rest?
"Got your e-mail, thanks."
"I got your email. Was it encrypted or is your spelling that bad?"
"That god for e-mail! I remember how much time I used to waste handing out armfulls of meaningless memos."
'Clear communications are essential to a positive work environment, so let's be 'clear' that we will be expecting you to cover the cuts by working twice as hard for less return in worse conditions!'
"I don't like their proposal. Should I reply with a 'thumbs down' or a 'poop' emoji?"
"Bill, I do believe you've written the great American memo."
'Please prepare this memo about reducing the use of our photocopiers and give each of our staff a copy. Send them a second copy, as a reminder, in two weeks and send a third reminder the following week.'
"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."
"Our open office has encouraged innovative ways to communicate."
"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."
"Oo, I get to write a memo! I'm excited! I'm excited!"
'Doing this with his e-mails made more impact than sending them.'
"I knew it was a mistake bringing a refrigerator in here."
"Didn't you get the memo!? Today is Black + White Day!"
"Did you tweet?"
"Post that memo upside down... then everyone will try to read it."
"Well, I don't know if she got the emails, texts, tweets and snaps I sent. Guess I'll walk next door and ask her."
'As I've always said, I have an open door policy.....and as you can see it opens back out of my office. NOW GET THE @!#^ OUT!!!'