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'It's a fantastic design, but I'm worried that after the games it'll just end up as a useless load of stone with no legacy potential.'
'Excuse me, mate, have you got a light?'
London Pride 2012 and London Shame 2011.
'All Dressage tickets have gone, but I managed to get two for Beach Volleyball instead.'
'We're in luck! Not a word about steroids.'
'Touch me and I'll see you in Strasbourg.'
'I couldn't get tickets so I've come to watch the sprint for the last train home.'
'The Olympic committee is confident that we have all the figures for the costings...we just aren't sure what order to put them in!'
'The Police will never catch that terrorist. He just ran the 100 meters in 9.57 seconds!'
'She's in training for the Olympics. The 100 metre sprint to the checkout.'
'I hope you realise that punching my colleague constitutes an abuse of an official picket line.'
'...and I for one do not share the disdain for the London Olympic mascots, Mr. Speaker!'
The Olympic torch.
How high will the cost of the Olympics go?
Plastic Brits: 'Apprehend that fleetfooted alien and naturalise him for Team GB!'
'I need accommodation, take me to Joanna Lumley.'
'What I really want, Santa, is a front row seat for the Olympic Beach Volleyball games.'
'It's great, securing Olympic sponsorship from a shaving company to promote their new five bladed razor.'
'...Sorry, but due to cutbacks we have to scale down the opening and closing displays.'
'Remember: it's not the winning, it's the taking your cut.'
'Okay, £60,000 a week AND a ticket for the London Olympics.'
Olympic Torch Bearer - Athens.
'We've just deported the entire team of IOC inspectors!'
Olympic planning toilets.