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'He never starts surgery until he can play the game three times in a row without messing up.'
'It's an organ rejection form letter!'
'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'
'I hate it when we operate on malpractice lawyers.'
'What the... there's the gold earring I lost when we did his triple bypass four years ago.'
'That's is. Keep your finger on there until I have this knot tied.'
'Please turn off all cell phones & personal electronics during this surgeons.'
Huckleberry Finn, M.D.
Tags:emergency, emergency room, emergency rooms, er, a and e, accident and emergency, doctor, doctors, general practitioner, general practitioners, physician, physicians, operate, operation, operations, surgeon, surgeons, surgery, surgeries, huckleberry finn, novel, novels, book, books, mark twain, author, authors, literature, literary, character, characters
"Thankfully, we were able to segue directly into an autopsy."
'Dave? This diploma is from Uncle Willie's 21 day College of Neurology, this is an award for second prize in a bowling tournament, and this is for third prize in a pig-calling contest.'
'Excuse me, Dr. Markovich, but the basketball players you heckled last night would like to hang out and scream insults at crucial moments in your surgery.'
"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"
"O.K., now put Tab A into Slot B."
Tags:operation, operations, constructing, construction, build, building, builds, tab, slot, tabs, slots, instruction, instructions, booklet, booklets, manual, manuals, operate, operating, operating theatre, operating theater, hospital, hospitals, surgery, surgeon, surgeons, keyhole surgery, play on words, word play, word-play, doctor, doctors
"You know, doctor, right now I'd really prefer if your sense of humor were a tad less self-deprecating."
Tags:expert, expertise, surgery, surgeries, operation, operations, operate, under the knife, self-deprecating, self-deprecation, unnerve, unnerves, unnerving, upset, upsets, upsetting, surgeon, surgeons, sense of humor, senses of humor, sense of humour, senses of humour, problem, problems, worry, worries, worrying, worrier, worriers, anxious, anxiety, anxieties, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, bedside manner, manner, manners
"You're doing it wrong."
"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"
'Yes, this is a bad time. I'm operating on a patient 4,500 miles away.'
"Let me know when you want to start the operation."
Tags:check-up, check-ups, check up, check ups, experimental, experiment, drug, surgeon, surgeons, doctor, doctors, clinic, clinics, hospital, hospitals, get well, get well soon, spin, spin doctor, operation, operating, operating theater, operating theatre, operate, operates, bar, bars, bar flies, bar fly, bar-flies, bar-fly, mentally prepared, prepared
I think the surgery went well. I'll know more when I hear from the billing department.
Hipness Replacement Surgery.
'You're lucky. In my day the doctor beat you with a stick until your appendix fell out.'
"The doctor didn't make it."
Tags:operate, operating, operation, operations, surgery, surgeon, surgeries, illness, illnesses, disease, diseases, unhealthy, ill health, get well, get well soon, healthy, health, medical, medicine, medicines, doctor, doctors, hospital, hospitals, healthcare, terminal, dark humor, reversal, role reversal, dark humour, black humor, black humour, gown
'85% recover with no complications, 60% of the remaining 15% will have a slower recovery rate, and the remaining 40% of the 15% may need additional treatment.'
'He's hearing impaired.'
'Now why did I come in here?'