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'Your insurance only covered the removal of the damaged organ...you'll have to put the transplant in yourself.'
'You're the new guy right? Uh... you might want to stay away from the cottage cheese.'
'Dave? This diploma is from Uncle Willie's 21 day College of Neurology, this is an award for second prize in a bowling tournament, and this is for third prize in a pig-calling contest.'
'Yes, this is a bad time. I'm operating on a patient 4,500 miles away.'
"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"
I think the surgery went well. I'll know more when I hear from the billing department.
Hipness Replacement Surgery.
"Why would anyone hire a barrister, anyone can talk...I'm taking on my own case just as soon as I finish this triple by-pass."
'The uterus transplant was a success. I'm sure you'll find your husband much more understanding now.'
'You're lucky. In my day the doctor beat you with a stick until your appendix fell out.'
'85% recover with no complications, 60% of the remaining 15% will have a slower recovery rate, and the remaining 40% of the 15% may need additional treatment.'
Suffolk GP saves ?1000s by conducting vasectomies in-house.
'According to the films, it appears I've left an instrument inside you. Luckily, I can fix that in Photoshop.'
'Now why did I come in here?'
'It's called hipposuction.'
'We'll just mill around till he's asleep, and then send him back up. This operation is actually for a placebo effect.'
'Sleep well, Mrs. Krantz. When you wake up again your heart will be as good as new!'
Playing Peek A Boo in the ICU.
'Yours is an elective surgery, so we're still deciding if we feel like doing it or not.'
'Maybe these weren't the best choices for Halloween costumes.'
'It looks like your son hasn't changed his underwear in a year,'
Machine Wipes Sweat From Surgeon's Brow.