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'I hope these make you feel better, because they're all you're getting.'
"Personally, I never take anything but aspirin."
Tags:medication, medications, taking medication, pharmaceutical, pharmaceuticals, pharmaceutical company, pharmaceutical companies, prescription drug, prescription drug, hypocrite, hypocrites, hypocritical, aspirin, aspirins, painkiller, painkillers, scientist, scientists, science experiment, science experiments, medical research, medical researcher, medical researchers, scientific research, chemistry experiment, chemistry experiments, excess, excessive, overkill
"First, we numb you by showing you today's headlines."
Tags:doctor, doctors, hospital, hospitals, surgeon, surgeons, surgery, surgeries, operation, operations, operating theatre, operating theatres, operating room, operating rooms, media, news, newspaper, newspapers, magazine, magazines, technology, online, fake news, laptop, laptops, tablet, tablets, smartphone, smartphones, headline, headlines, anaesthetized, anaesthetize, anesthetized, anesthetize, anaesthetised, anaesthetise, anaesthetist, anaesthetists, anesthetist, anesthetists, painkiller, painkillers, numbing, numb, numbed
"I'd like some Ketamine for my appetizer. What opiate would you recommend for my entree?"
"I think the pain meds are kicking in Mr. Wiggles."
'Formerly, 'Regular' and 'Extra-Strength'.'
"You should just feel a tiny prick, and then a lifetime of morphine addiction."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, nurse, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, needle, needles, injection, injections, syringe, syringes, pain, painkillers, painkiller, morphine, addict, addicts, addiction, prick, lifetime, lifetimes, drug abuse, medicine abuse, opiate, opiates, opioid, opioids, opiate abuse, opioid abuse
Feel better and Feel less medicine.
"I could perscribe a massive amount of painkillers, but I'm the computer repairman."
Tags:doctor, doctors, mistake, mistakes, mistaken identity, mistaken identities, computer repairman, computer repairmen, medication, meds, medications, painkiller, painkillers, hospital, hospitals, md, mds, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioner, clinic, clinics, check up, medical check up, check ups, medical check ups
'Get me a hundred milligrams of Oxycontin... And pick up something for this guy while you're at it.'
"For the pain, these have proven to be the most effective swear words."
The over-the-counter versions
"The lady in the bed across the hall would like to buy you a pain pill."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, hospital bed, hospital beds, patient, patients, nurse, health care, health care, health care costs, health care expenses, medical expenses, medical bill, medical bills, doctors bill, doctors bills, health insurance, insurance cover, patient, patients, ill health, pain pill, pain pills, painkiller, painkillers, buy you a drink, buy a drink, flirt, flirtatious, flirtation
"I'll need to see some I.D. for the Claritin."
Tags:id, i.d., age restriction, age restrictions, gun law, gun control, second amendment, 2nd amendment, gun laws, medicine, medication, age restrict product, age restricted products, painkiller, painkillers, priorities, bad priorities, wrong priorities, modern life, modern times, modern attitudes, contradiction, contradictions, hypocrite, hypocrites, hypocrisy
'Mother, are you sure your marijuana use is purely medicinal?'
'I am Thor!' 'Here, take thum athpirin.'
"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."
'I drink to forget about my painkiller addiction.'
'We're testing a new drill-free laser system. YOu won't even need Novocain.'
'2nd-Term-in-the-White-House-Strenth Pain Reliever.'
"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, bedridden, serious, drug, pharmaceuticals, pharmaceutical, medicine, medicines, meds, medication, medications, prescription, prescriptions, medical, drug abuse, medicine abuse, prescription abuse, pharmaceutical abuse, addiction, addict, addicts, alleviate, enough, fun, high, getting high, painkiller, painkillers, pain
"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."
'I can't stand to see an animal in pain....'
'Shall I give it to you straight, or would you like some mild anesthetic?'