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'Son, your teacher told me that you're having trouble focusing and other things that I zoned out on...'
'I'm afraid your daughter isn't paying attention in class.'
"Oh, them? Their kid kept screwing around in class. Your little Timmy better watch himself or the same thing will happen to you."
'Do you feel as foolish as I do, having a conference with Billy's teaching machine?'
"Unruly, talking back, lack of respect...and that's just the parents."
'We've found that your child doesn't interact well with mobile devices.'
'I can see where Billy gets his vivid imagination, Mr. and Mrs. Sims.'
'You're listening to what you hear. I like that in a teacher.'
'I really hope Mrs. Picasso comes to parents' night.'
'This is probably not news to you, but your son is the class clown.'
Teacher to parents: 'Ah - you're right. What do I know about kids? My biological clock went coo-coo years ago.'
'Embarrassing parents' evening is next week.'
"I'm serious. If you win, his grade stays the same. If I win, he gets an A."