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"It's a lot of pressure on me not to pressure him."
"I'm holding George back this year because he's failed to forge a personal style."
Parent-Teacher Conferences: 'The bad news is your son failed every test I gave this term. The good news is that we know he's not abusing any mind-expanding drugs.'
"Andy plays perfectly well with others - it's others who don't play well with Andy."
"Your son is teaching third grade at a second-grade level."
'As you know, we've put Billy in the slow class....'
'I'm afraid your son has a very short attention span.'
"This accountancy firm doesn't actually hold Parents' Evenings, but rest assured, your little Timmy is doing just fine."
'I understand you are going to be my son's teacher this year. Let me start off by saying: I am so so sorry!'
Open school night.
'Is it okay if I'm represented by counsel on open-school night?'
'Oh, we don't teach history any more -- it's just too depressing.'
"It's parent's evening tonight, Dad. Lose the hoodie."