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"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."
Tags:religion, religious, church, churches, priest, priests, minister, ministers, pastor, pastors, clergyman, clergymen, reverend, reverends, sermon, sermons, parish, congregation, congregations, parishioner, parishioners, church-goer, church-goers, sick, sickness, ill, illness, disease, diseases, death, dying, church fund, church funds, donation, donations, offering, offerings, money, punishments, blessing, blessings, money-hungry, greedy, greed, sins, grotesque
"I'm afraid this is auf Wiedersehen, Padre. Estelle and I are setting up our own little religion."
Preaching to the Choir Since 1846
'Don't worry. I'm a church pastor. First little problem, and they'll find me.'
'Attendance is always down the week after Father's Day. They all get golf balls.'
'I imagine you were pretty nervous addressing an army of experts.'
"I'm confessin' that I love ya!"
Tags:religion, religious, church, churches, priest, priests, minister, ministers, pastor, pastors, clergyman, clergymen, reverend, reverends, preacher, preachers, confession, confessions, confessing, love, inappropriate, parishioner, parishioners, song, songs, famous song, famous songs, music, lyrics
'He always breaks away from the Church on Sunday mornings.'
Tags:schism, schisms, church, churches, church of england, coe, christianity, christian, christians, gay marriages, same-sex marriages, church marriage, church weddings, gay rights, religious belief, religious beliefs, congregation, congregations, parishioner, parishioners, sunday morning, sunday mornings
St. Lukes Church: Pray and Display
"I was comped."
Sunday Sermon: Does God Prefer Particular Sports Teams?
"Isn't he wonderful? You get the feeling he's looking and talking directly to you."
"Sure. Call me anytime. Call me for breakfast, call me for lunch, call me for dinner, call me...."
'I think I see why attendance has been down.'
"I'm the owner of Happy Pappy's comedy club. Here's my card. Call me."
Tags:comedian, comedians, comedy, comedies, comic, comics, comedy act, comedy acts, churches, church, sermon, sermons, worship, worshipping, stand up, stand-up, stand ups, stand-ups, career change, career changes, vicar, vicars, minister, ministers, priest, priests, congregation, congregations, parishioner, parishioners, sense of humour, sense of humor, joke, jokes, joker, jokers
'Wait...I have a coupon.'
"I've decided to text the sermon to everyone so you will pay attention."
Tags:pastor, pastors, sermon, sermons, vicar, vicars, minister, ministers, priest, priests, church, churches, church sermon, church sermons, congregation, congregations, parishioner, parishioners, attention span, attention spans, communication, communications, text, texts, texting, cellphone, cellphones, cell, cells, mobile, mobiles, phone, phones
'And then the Lord proclaimed, in a loud, thunderous voice...'
Today's Sermon: Is There Really A Dog?
'AAAA. . . wait for it. . . wait for it. . . MEN!'
Tags:amen, amens, prayer, prayers, pray, prays, praying, worship, worships, melodrama, melodramas, melodramatic, congregation, congregations, parishioner, parishioners, drama queen, drama queens, dramatic pause, church, churches, vicar, vicars, priest, priests, christianity, christian, christians, theatrical, theatricals
'How can you be so cheap?'
"As it says in Matthew 26-40, 'So, you had not the strength to stay awake with me ONE hour?'"
Tags:sermon, sermons, church service, church services, congregations, parishioner, parishioners, homily, church, churches, bibles, priests, ministers, bible, priest, minister, sleep, attention deficit, congregation, faith, reynolds unwrapped, bible teaching, bible teachins, bible quote, bible quotes
"If you'll mute your phones, I'll mute mine."