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"I'm sorry, Mrs. Smith, but our tests show your child is a changeling left by the fairies."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, nurse, patient, patients, exam, exams, examination, examinations, test, tests, testing, genetic testing, dna testing, d.n.a. testing, dna test, dna tests, d.n.a. test, d.n.a. tests, genetic test, genetic tests, parentage, paternity, maternity, changeling, changelings, fairy, fairies, faerie, faeries, kid, kids, child, children, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, family, families, adopted, adoption, adoptions, strange, unusual, fantasy, science-fiction, sci-fi, horror, myth, myths, legend, legends, folklore, biology, science, creature, creatures
The nurse held up a beautiful baby knork... needless to say, the spoon was devastated.'
"Why do you always have to be so paternalistic?"
Tags:paternalist, paternalists, paternalistic, paternalism, father, fathers, parent, parents, parenting, dad, dads, paternity, son, sons, condescend, condescends, condescending, condescension, child, children, authority, parental authority, rebellion, rebellions, rebellious phase, rebellious phases, accusation, accusations, accusing, accusatory, defy, defies, defiance, defiant, child, offspring, challenge, challenges, challenging
'Look, It's not that I don't think he's mine, Sylvia. It's just that... Well, the doctor said I have a low-thread count.'
Tags:parent, parents, parental, towel, towels, cloth, cloths, washing, line, lines, peg, pegs, clothes, hang, hangs, hanging, hanger, hangers, doctor, doctors, paternity, paternities, uncertain, uncertainty, confirm, confirms, confirmation, confirmations, doubt, doubts, thread, threads, the argyle sweater, argyle sweater
"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"
Tags:doll, dolls, baby doll, baby dolls, paternity, paternity test, paternity tests, daytime tv, daytime television, talk show, talk shows, dna, dna test, dna tests, judge, judges, judgement, judgements, father, fathers, talk show host, talk show hosts, inappropriate television, inappropriate, precocious
"This should be an interesting case...it's a class action paternity suit!"
Tags:paternity, paternity suit, paternity suits, class action suit, class action, class action lawsuit, class action lawsuits, father, fathers, parent, parents, paternity test, paternity tests, soap opera, soap operas, sordid tale, sordid tales, sordid story, sordid stories, potential father, potential fathers
"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."
Tags:relationship, relationships, relationship issues, relationship problems, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouse, partner, partners, boyfriend, boyfriends, girlfriends, date, dates, dating, gene, genes, genetics, biology, science, genetic testing, dna, d.n.a, dna sample, dna samples, sample, samples, test, tests, creepy, invasive, invasion of privacy, personal privacy, medical, medicine, paternity, modern life
"Sure, you have a father. It's just that when you were born, I decided to stay at home and he decided to stay at work."
"Arthur is a cast-iron lawn ornament on his father's side."
Tags:kid, kids, child, children, son, sons, parent, parents, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, father, fathers, dad, dads, family, families, introducing, introductions, robot, robots, technology, computer, computers, lawn ornament, lawn ornaments, gnome, gnomes, garden gnome, garden gnomes, cast-iron, hereditary, genetic, genetics, biology, family resemblance, father's side, lineage, breeding, pedigree, family tree, ancestry, ancestor, ancestors, relative, relatives, paternity
"Right now I'm a stay-at-home dad, but when this baby comes I'm going back to work."
Tags:paternity, paternity leave, leave, leaves, leaving, time off, take time off, takes time off, taking time off, dad, dads, new dad, new dads, father, fathers, new father, new fathers, new parent, new parents, parent, parents, pregnancy, pregnancies, infant, infants, infancy, baby, babies, back to work, go back to work, going back to work, lazy, laziness, parenting duty, parenting duties, parenting, deadbeat dad, deadbeat dads, loser, losers, husband, husbands, slacker, slackers, slack off, slacks off, slacking off
'He's the father of the entire first row.'
"Sorry falling pregnant in the office is not a health & safety issue!"
'The good looking one is mine!'
Father reading a bedtime story to his daughter.
'I'm just working out the best time to take paternity leave.'
'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'
'Ah ah! That's what I thought! The DNA tests prove that he is in fact a Cuckoo chick...'
'Be reasonable Jones - think how sales would plummet if I gave a day off to every man whose wife had sextuplets!!'
Ah ah! That's what I thought! The DNA tests prove that he is in fact a Cuckoo chick...'
'Are you the one that wanted a ball team?'
"You're pregnant? Are you sure it's yours?"
'Hey! That's new - paternity leave!'
'You remember...after the Super Bowl last year?'
'Louise Fisher dropped by. You handled her paternity suit so well that she decided to get pregnant again.'
PCT funding crisis threatens maternity pay.