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''AAAIIIGGGHHH'...So would that be a 'yes' to the question 'I believe my needs are understood'?'
'You have a lovely bedside manor.'
'I'll be back to address your needs as soon as the Government's White paper has identified what they are!'
"Would you mind taking a look at this collection of my poems? Your opinion would mean a lot."
Tags:collection, collections, poem, poems, poetry, poet, poets, literary aspiration, literary aspirations, literary ambition, literary ambitions, hospital bed, hospital beds, feedback, feedbacks, literary feedback, literary critic, literary critics, doctor, doctors, bedside manner, unprofessional, patient, patients, patient care, patient-care, hospital treatment, hospital treatments
"We did the best we could, but I was doing drugs during most of medical school."
Tags:medical school, unprofessional, professional manner, surgeon, surgeons, emergency surgery, operating theatre, operating theater, medical student, medical students, medical training, malpractice, medical malpractice, drug, substance abuse, student lifestyle, hospital, hospitals, patient care, patient-care, misguided youth
"He may be dead but according to this survey his paperwork is WORLD CLASS!"
"I'll be fielding any questions you may have and my assistant, Carol, will be googling the answer."
"I brought this special tool in from my up town office."
"It says I have to 'deliver a caring service commensurate with the resources allocated in policy protocols issued int eh patient care package'...nothing about taking you to the toilet."
"You want a glass of water...Hang on I think I've got an app for that!"
"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."
Tags:doctor, doctors, patient, patients, surgery, consultation, gp, gps, self-diagnosis, self diagnosis, self-diagnoses, self diagnoses, self diagnosing, self-diagnosing, healthcare, surgeon, surgeons, expertise, expert, experts, consultant, consultants, patient-care, patient care, medical training, medical school, medical schools
"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."
Tags:fallen angels, nurse, nursing, modern nursing, nhs, national health service, hospital, hospitals, patient, patients, privatisation, app, apps, application, applications, patient care, smartphone, smartphones, patient-care, cell, cells, mobile, mobiles, gadget, gadgets, technology dependency, technical dependency
"As part of our 'Safer Staffing' policy we need eight nurses on each ward. Nurse Pettigrew is four of them!"
"They're to remind me to change your bandages."
Tags:nurse, healthcare, health care, health-care, nursing, patient, patients, patient care, patient-care, hospital, hospitals, hospital treatment, hospital treatments, bandage, bandages, body cast, body casts, post it, post its, note, notes, post-it, post-its, reminder, reminders, forgetful, forgetfulness, absent minded, absent mindedness
"I'm afraid as a result of managements' reorientation of forward facing patientcentric resource functions...you're going to have to make your own way to the toilet."
"The good news is that the number of patients complaining about their care has gone down...the bad news is that it's because they're all dead!"
"I've a patient who needs a 'chat'...have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communications with patients in a lighthearted, supportive but not disempowering manner' course?"
Tags:nurse, nursing skill, nursing skills, patient, patients, hospital, hospitals, red tape, red-tape, skill, skills, on-the-job, on the job, training, training session, training sessions, nursing, patient care, patient-care, healthcare, health-care, verbal communication, verbal communications, customer service
"Exactly how long is it since anyone came in to see you?"
"Our private sector colleagues aren't keen on any association with 'death' so we'll be referring to patients choosing an 'alternative non-living lifestyle option' in future!"
"So, if we were looking for feedback on your 'water'. on a scale of 1-10 how 'moist and refreshing' was it?"
"The business consultant has ordered a 20% cut in compassion to save money so I'm afraid you'll have to talk to yourself from now on!"
This is Martin from operations, he'll be conducting a review of ward personnel management . . ."
Tags:nurse, nursing, bureaucracy, bureaucracies, bureaucrat, bureaucrats, red tape, red-tape, red-tapes, hospital, hospitals, patient, patients, patient care, nhs, national health service, nursing care, patient-care, personnel management, personnel manager, resource, resources, resources manager, resources managers
"This is one of our 'elderly' patients, or to use the more technical term, 'bedblocker'."
"We've been told to introduce a more varied diet....Do you want your peas with chips or without chips?"
'This pan of soapy water...I'm worried that if someone was blind, stupid and had no sense of smell or taste they might think it was soup!'