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'I'm afraid you did commit all these sins, sir. Would you like to see the video?'
"No, this isn't a book signing."
'Ok, well I can give you a full teeth examination, but I suspect that they're all rotten.'
Pearly Queen Gates
'And on June 30th of that same year, you used The Bible as a coaster?'
Bill Gates takes over the Pearly Gates.
'First of all, thank you for enrolling in our rewards program.'
Saint Peter reviews a man's sins.
'Don't sweat it - We grade on the curve.'
Did dinosaurs go to heaven?
"If you can't take it with you, this must be Hell."
Tags:heaven, pearly, gates, god, st peter, saint peter, afterlife, afterlives, hell, bank, banker, businessman, rich, money, wealth, wealthy, affluent, plunder, greed, greedy, acquisitiveness, rapacity, mean, meanness, miser, miserliness, money-grubbing, mammon, paradise, nirvana, hades, perdition, damn, damnation, wickedness, wrongdoing, wrong, evil, immorality, vice, evil, judge, judgement, retribution, penalty, just deserts
'Go right on in, Helen. By the way, be sure to read tomorrow's newspaper - I understand your grandson has drawn a cartoon in your honor.'
'Dr. Vitsky, D.D.S. ... Yes, here you are. Go right on ahead through those pearly whites up there.'
'Hmm … let me see … haven't seen this before … I'll need to ask the boss about this one.'
Norman Wisdom at the Pearly Gates
'Very admirable, but how am I expected to keep track of your donated lungs, heart, kidneys, liver, cornea's etc?' Donor at the gates of heaven.
'Well, your morals seem to check out. Now we just need to run your credit report...'
Even heaven is helpless to stop it.
Sign on the Pearly Gate with an arrow pointing to 'Drug Testing Center.'
'Have my bags been in my possession the whole time? What kind of question is that?'
'Did you pack this case yourself?'
Frog and toad rage (Two cockneys fighting).
Pearly King and Queen
"If one more person says 'You're kidding...This is IT?', I'm going to find a new job!"
Tags:heaven, gate, heaven's gate, pearly, gates, pearly gates, afterlife, after-life, death, religion, st. peter, saint peter, st peter, angel, angels, unimpress, unimpressed, jaded, spoiled, attitude, entitlement, bad attitude, bored, boring, tired, blase, indifferent, apathetic, uninterested, petulant, childish, self-centered, gratitude, ungrateful, grateful