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Gary began to think that his performance management meeting could have gone better.
"I called you here to discuss your track record."
"We've decided not to pay you anymore, but we are prepared to offer you 10% more meaingless platitudes about how valuable you are to the firm!"
"What do you mean I ask too many questions?"
"I admire your dogged determination."
'It's work, I can't help thinking there's someone following me. Monitoring everything I do.'
'I've reviewed your core progress modules and having reassessed them in the light of new strategy targets we've decided you need a kick up the backside.'
'Some people claim that endless target setting and monitoring is a waste of money.'
'I guess our Performance Appraisal system is a little bit 'Old School'.'
'We're letting you go, Hank. Your job performance keeps on slipping.'
'I thought we'd save time on your performance review by moving to the 20th floor ledge now.'
'The boss just chewed me up and spit me out...'
'It's time for your annual carrot re-evaluation.'
'Well, this is a new low - even for you.'
'Instead of firing me, he could have tolerated mediocrity a little longer.'
'This year, executive bonuses are tied to performance. You owe us $50,000.'
'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'
'Minimalism is fine in design, but not in work attendance."
"I love your productivity, I love your team spirit and you haven't bitten anyone in months."
"I've observed that on several occasions, when given the opportunity to assist a struggling co-worker, you instead chose merely to 'pity the fool'."
'I wish I could clone you, Jeff. Then at least you'd be mildly productive.'
"I have your evaluation...great teamwork, great morale...basically, you're a good dog."
'I'm sorry for such a low score Mrs. Banks, but you and I both know that wasn't your best lesson.'