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'Well he certainly does a very thorough risk analysis.'
'Apparently it's not enough to say that 'lots of people think we do a jolly good job' anymore.'
"You just self-deprecated yourself right out of a job."
Tags:job interview, job interviews, personnel, hr, human resources, self-deprecation, self deprecation, self-deprecated, self deprecated, fire, fires, fired, firing, performance review, performance appraisal, job appraisal, job review, personality type, personality types, job candidate, job candidates, job applicant, job applicants, modest, modesty, loser, losers, lose out, loses out, losing out, miss out, misses out, missing out
"Cosgrove, why don't you tell us what you did on your summer vacation while your department fell into disarray and your projections proved to be woefully inaccurate."
Tags:business model, business models, business plan, business plans, summer, vacation, vacations, holiday, holidays, travel plans, business projection, business projections, business forecast, business forecasts, businessmen, businessman, corporate culture, manager, managers, management, managements, bad manager, bad managers, financial projection, financial projections, performance review, performance reviews, appraisal, appraisals, job review, job reviews
Performance reviews in Hell.
'It appears that you're just not a team player...'
"He's Pulled Out The HR File! This Is It Folks, The Atomic Performance Review!"
Tags:hr, h r, human resources, human resource, manilla, manila, manilla folder, manager, managers, supervisor, supervisors, management, upper management, performance, performance review, wrestle, wrestles, wrestlers, wrestling move, special move, finisher, finishing move, wrestling, wrestler, metaphor, metaphorical, death by, death by paperwork, paperwork, wrestling ring, offices, office work, admin, employee, employees
'You're out here because you're supposed to receive a performance review? I'm out here because I'm supposed to give one!'
'Accounting has calculated how much we've paid you compared to how much work you've done. You owe the company $53, 972.'
'And this is the only performance indicator that's moving up. Unfortunately, it's my blood pressure.'
'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'
"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."
Getting 85% in his feedback has gone to his head a bit!
"We'd like you to be the quirky but lovable teen-age daughter,"
Tags:sit com, sit coms, sit-com, sit-coms, offices, office job, office jobs, office work, office worker, office workers, desk job, desk jobs, family, performance review, performance reviews, expectation, expectations, role, roles, pretentious, pretentiousness, modern life, modern expectations, working relationship, work relationships, work friend, work friends
'We would like to see you put a little more worry into your work.'
Your supervisor says you've been giving 100%, but at the rate of 20% each day.
'You do a fine job guarding the place, we just need you to shed less.'
"There's a changing of the guard, and my weaknesses are suddenly my strengths!"
Tags:leadership change, leadership changes, manager, managers, management, managements, management change, management changes, performance review, performance reviews, appraisal, appraisals, evaluation, evalutations, performance evaluation, performance evaluations, changing of the guard, weaknesses, strength, strengths, weakness, office politics
"Excuse me-those performance reviews were supposed to be anonymous."
Tags:performance review, performance reviews, torture, tortures, torturing, torturer, torturers, punishment, punishments, corporal punishment, corporal punishments, prison, prisons, prisoner, prisoners, form, forms, fill out forms, fills out forms, filling out forms, pushing papers, paper pusher, paper pushers, boss, bosses, manager, managers, management, upper management, boss, bosses, hassle, hassles, hassling
Performance Management: "Jump!"
'Would I be safe in assuming we've reached the end of my performance evaluation?'
Feedback doesn't need to be negative.
'How did the review go?'