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'Well he certainly does a very thorough risk analysis.'
'Apparently it's not enough to say that 'lots of people think we do a jolly good job' anymore.'
"Cosgrove, why don't you tell us what you did on your summer vacation while your department fell into disarray and your projections proved to be woefully inaccurate."
Tags:business model, business models, business plan, business plans, summer, vacation, vacations, holiday, holidays, travel plans, business projection, business projections, business forecast, business forecasts, businessmen, businessman, corporate culture, manager, managers, management, managements, bad manager, bad managers, financial projection, financial projections, performance review, performance reviews, appraisal, appraisals, job review, job reviews
Performance reviews in Hell.
"You were right, Mom. Having you there made it a much nice annual review."
'It appears that you're just not a team player...'
"Some people at work think you're a little to aggressive and intimidating."
Tags:aggression, aggressive, aggressiveness, intimidation, intimidating, intimidating, superhero, superheroes, super hero, super heroes, super-hero, super-heroes, boss, bosses, performance evaluation, performance evaluations, performance review, performance reviews, appraisal, appraisals, office job, office jobs, teamplayer, team player, team member, team members, colleague, colleagues, coworker, coworkers, working environment, personality type, personality types, office politics
'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'
'You're out here because you're supposed to receive a performance review? I'm out here because I'm supposed to give one!'
'Accounting has calculated how much we've paid you compared to how much work you've done. You owe the company $53, 972.'
"I'm saving all my work till they force me to do it."
Tags:workload, workloads, work ethic, work ethics, lazy, laziness, lazy worker, lazy workers, worker, workers, employee, employees, lazy employee, lazy employees, performance reviews, appraisal, appraisals, performance reviews, corporate culture, motivation, motivations, employee morale, procrastination, procrastinate, procrastinates, procrastinating
'And this is the only performance indicator that's moving up. Unfortunately, it's my blood pressure.'
'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'
"It's true I can't play the ocarina. But why is that on my performance review?"
"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."
"We'd like you to be the quirky but lovable teen-age daughter,"
Tags:sit com, sit coms, sit-com, sit-coms, offices, office job, office jobs, office work, office worker, office workers, desk job, desk jobs, family, performance review, performance reviews, expectation, expectations, role, roles, pretentious, pretentiousness, modern life, modern expectations, working relationship, work relationships, work friend, work friends
"I think you'll find I'm hard working, tech-savvy, and should the need arise, willing to wear a wire."
Tags:hiring, hire, hires, new hires, recruitment, interview, interviews, performance review, performance reviews, job interview, job interviews, selling yourself, hard worker, hard workers, hard working, tech-savvy, skills, skilled, competency, competent, snitch, snitches, wear a wire, wearing a wire
'We would like to see you put a little more worry into your work.'
Your supervisor says you've been giving 100%, but at the rate of 20% each day.
"There's a changing of the guard, and my weaknesses are suddenly my strengths!"
Tags:leadership change, leadership changes, manager, managers, management, managements, management change, management changes, performance review, performance reviews, appraisal, appraisals, evaluation, evalutations, performance evaluation, performance evaluations, changing of the guard, weaknesses, strength, strengths, weakness, office politics
'You do a fine job guarding the place, we just need you to shed less.'
"Excuse me-those performance reviews were supposed to be anonymous."
Tags:performance review, performance reviews, tortures, torturers, punishments, corporal punishment, corporal punishments, prison, prisons, prisoner, prisoners, form, forms, fill out forms, fills out forms, filling out forms, pushing papers, paper pusher, paper pushers, boss, bosses, manager, managers, management, upper management, boss, bosses, hassle, hassles, hassling
'Poor soul. Beaten down by peer reviews.'