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'Oh... I always thought it was just an allegory...'
'Ok, give me your username & password one more time.'
'It's all her on your facebook page.'
For one embarrassing week, heaven ran out of normal wings,
Everyone's heard of the stairway to heaven, but most people don't know it was actually built to keep the fatties out.
'When I type in your name plus sin, sir, there are over twenty million results.'
'I'm sorry but you obviously don't believe in God because you didn't forward the religious emails to 10 or more people in your address book.'
'The only way anyone gets in is on there knees.'
'Sorry, you've got to go back. I've got you penciled in for eight more months of suffering.'
'I'm afraid you did commit all these sins, sir. Would you like to see the video?'
'Only one carry-on.'
"Here he is, folks, straight from his deathbed in Jersey City, a beautiful guy—let's hear a nice round of applause for . . ."
Tags:deathbed, terminal, death, dead, die, died, dying, dies, heaven, heavenly, heavens, heavenly gates, pearly gates, st peter, peter, saint, saints, angel, angels, angelic, angelically, religious, god, gods, lord, religions, religious imagery, st. peter, the heavens, after life, after-life, afterlife, life after death, paradise, paradiso, nirvana, condolence, condolences, sympathy, sympathies, introducing, introduction, introductions, introduce, introduced, audience, applause, applaud, applauded, applauding, applauds
'Yeah, like I've never heard that one before. If I had a dollar for every cloud computing joke I've heard...'
Guy at the gates of heaven but has to go through a maze to get there
'Just a one-hour pass. I'm a process server.'
'You weren't always faithful so some of your prayers went to God's spam.'
'It was an incredibly healing experience, but somehow, I still wound up dead!'
Peter Peter's House.
"Since you have a complete record of my life, could you tell me if I remembered to turn the stove off?"
'Could it be under another name?'
BEWARE OF THE GOD.
Stairway to heaven with man in wheelchair at bottom.
Robbing Peter to pay Paul.
'Nothing Personal...but I got to Pay Paul.'
'Well, QUIT sending me back as a low-bid contractor.'