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"If you don't have anything profound to say, don't say anything at all."
"I like the big questions - but I'm more comfortable with money."
Locally Grown by a Guy with a Masters in Philosophy
"I think...therefore I am. I think."
"If you retweet it and you have '0' followers, was it retweeted?"
Student Loan Shark
"Socrates, you have an answer for everything, you can convince anyone of anything, and you know everything. You ought to become a lawyer."