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"Thanks for calling the celebration help desk. For assistance with high fives, press one now. For fist bumps, press two, for chest bumps, press three..."
"If you know what you want, please say so now, otherwise listen carefully, because the menu option have changed."
'If you want to pay your bill, press one. If you want to discuss your bill, press two. If you're frustrated because you can't just talk to a living, breathing, human being, press three.'
"Welcome to the obsessive-compulsive hotline..."
"To talk to someone in Customer Service, press one, but we're pretty sure you'll want to hear our other 12 options. . ."