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"Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you."
"I said, that's my final offer, Carmody. Pressing the pound key for more options will get you nowhere."
'The new phone system automatically shuts down if someone says we owe them money.'
Elderly man on phone in bed - 'Press 1 if you have bed sores, Press 2 if you need to go to the toilet...'
'If you want to talk to the IT service, please press 00101101100111001101110.'
'Jack, I'm on a conference call right now.'
'You're still holding for Mr Stein? Press one for 'anger management'.'
'The waiting time to speak to a representative is...all eternity.'
'This is the interoffice phone system they installed over the weekend?'
'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'
"We're upgrading the phone system."
'Adjust your listening device, as our menu has changed...'
'Press one to speak to God, two to speak to another operator, and three to pass straight into heaven.'
Click...'Heaven is unable to get to the phone at the moment, but if you'd like to leave your prayers at the sound of the tone, they will be answered.'
'...Please press 4, if you want a refund hang up.'
"You had the persistence to figure out our complex phone system just to get an interview. You're hired!"
"We're up-grading the phone system."
"You had the persistence to wind your way through our labyrinthian phone system to ask for an interview...you're hired!"