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"You have a valid social security number, a photo ID, and a credit score. As far as I'm concerned, you exist."
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'The monogram on your shirt is lovely but I still need to see a photo ID.'
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'When we ask you to present a photo ID we prefer one that has your own picture on it.'
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"Wow. I can't believe I got this far without anyone asking me for an I.D."
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"I appreciate your desire for a new photo ID following your significant weight loss, but our policy to decline your request is based on the sad reality that you're probably going to gain it all back."
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'Stupid paparazzi.'
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"Okay, I guess this is you, but don't ever again use a baby picture for photo ID!"
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Please have 2 forms of photo ID ready.
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Asking for ID at Heaven's gate.
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Photo ID for Voting: Your tax dollars at work.
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"So we'll just need to see your license, photo ID, and to conduct a thorough background check."
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"It's an old photo."
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"Of course I have photo ID! I will take a selfie and show you so you can see that I am me!"
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"I'm very security conscious. I'd like my picture printed on my checks."
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"Seriously, what if I don't have my death certificate and a photo I.D.?"
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