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"We have half your money in bonds and annuities, the other half under an oak tree in the Caymans."
Tags:financial advisor, financial advisors, pirate, pirates, pirate captain, pirate captains, bonds, annuity, annuities, tax avoidance, tax evasion, tax dodging, tax avoider, tax avoiders, tax dodger, tax dodgers, tax evader, tax evaders, offshore account, offshore accounts, offshore bank account, offshore bank accounts, offshore banking, tax haven, tax havens
"I've got a weak muscle in my eye, and my doctor says the patch will help."
Tags:pirate, pirates, piracy, pirate captain, pirate captains, eye patch, eye patches, eyepatch, eyepatches, weak ye muscles, medical advice, doctors advice, pathetic, modern life, modern attitudes, doctor's advice, good advice, backstory, backstories, tragic backstory, tragic backstories, fight, fights, disappointment, disappointments
Pirate and parrot using ATM.
Santa never made it as a pirate: 'Yo ho ho! And a bottle of egg nog!'
"That's the flag we'll fly atop our pirate ship!"
Tags:jolly roger, pirate, pirates, pirate ship, pirate ships, piracy, privateer, privateers, buccaneer, buccaneers, pirate-ship, pirate-ships, pirate flag, pirate flags, pirate captain, pirate captains, blackbeard, skull and crossbones, raising the flags, raising the colours, mutineer, mutineers, designer, designers, fashion designer, fashion designers
"You're right- things are funnier in threes."
Tags:rule of three, the rule of three, walking the plank, pirate, pirates, execution, executions, pirate ship, pirate ships, pirate captain, pirate captains, comedy, comedian, comedians, writing principle, writing principles, punchline, punchlines, standup, standup comedy, standup comedian, standup comedians, comedy writing, comedy writer, comedy writers
Captain's Log: Day 3 of Polly's cracker detox was a tough one...
Pirate Captain Wears Pirate Slogan T-Shirt
Tags:pirate, pirates, yarr, yarr, me hearty, yo-ho-ho, avast, avast ye, scurvy, shiver me timbers, shirt, shirts, tee, tees, t-shirt, t-shirts, ship, pirate ship, pirate ships, captain, captains, pirate captain, pirate captains, cliche, cliches, consumerism, slogan, slogans, cliched, skull and crossbones, crossbones
"We should make it past the rocks by nightfall, provided our luck holds."
"We made it more convenient so that you don't even have to walk now."
"She left him for a two-legged pirate!"
Tags:parrot, parrots, infidelity, unfaithful, unfaithfulness, bird, birds, birds of paradise, bird of paradise, pet, pets, pirate, pirates, pirate captain, pirate captains, piracy, privateer, privateers, buccaneer, buccaneers, adulterer, adulterers, gossip, gossips, gossiper, gossipers, gossiping, bird cage, bird cages, birdcage, birdcages-
"I don't think the new guy is going to work out."
Tags:pirate, pirates, piracy, pirate captain, pirate captains, buccaneer, buccaneers, privateer, privateers, parrot, parrots, bunny, bunnies, rabbit, rabbits, replacement, new, pet, pets, raider, raiders, office, pirate ship, pirate ships, partnership, partnerships, new job, new jobs, black sheep, animals, employee, employees, employer, employers
'No sire, it's not a spelling mistake.'
"Yer know I hates it when yer read over me shoulder!"
"Can I return this? The strings keep breaking."
"Polly wants a cracker...and a second opinion."
Tags:parrot, parrots, vet, vets, veterinarian, veterinarians, veterinary surgeon, veterinary surgeons, cracker, crackers, pirate, pirates, piracy, buccaneer, buccaneers, privateer, privateers, pet, pets, pirate captain, pirate captains, second opinion, second opinions, medical opinion, medical opinions
"Hold right there, matey! You just had your last meal. You're not going anywhere near the water for at least half an hour."
Tags:pirate, privateer, buccaneer, freebooter, marauder, corsair, corsairs, buccaneers, privateers, pirates, piracy, swimmer, swimmers, swimming, swim, swims, pirate ship, pirate ships, walking the plank, walk the plank, pirate captain, pirate captains, prisoner, prisoners, indigestion, tummy ache, tummy aches
"I broke up with the Captain. We didn't see aye to aye."
Tags:pirate, pirates, piracy, pirate captain, pirate captains, breakup, breakups, break up, break ups, break-up, break-ups, date, dates, girlfriend, girlfriends, boyfriend, boyfriends, love life, disagreement, disagreements, different opinion, different opinions, seeing eye to eye, relationship breakdown, relationship breakdowns, breaking up
Blackbeard needed help living up to his name.
"Now are ye ready?"
1688: Pirate Dentistry - "Say ARR!"
'If I have to perch here all day, then you really need to do something about your ear hair.'
"They were all out of pirate hooks so I got a dentist hook."
Tags:pirates, pirates, pirate captain, pirate captains, hook, hooks, amputees, artificial limb, artificial limbs, sea, ocean, pirate hooks, amputee, artificial limbs, dental hooks, dentists, dental tools, dental equipment, orthodontic, orthodontists, medical, oral care, sailor, sailors, orthodontists
"I got a swiss army hook!"