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Translating Contractor to English
'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'
Tags:family life, family-life, septic tank, septic tanks, plunger, plungers, plumber, plumbers, plumbing, christmas morning, christmas mornings, xmas, magic, festive spirit, festive spirits, seasonal spirit, emergency plumber, emergencies, disenchantment, disenchanted, holidays, real life adventures
A plumber heads down to a basement to find a boy with his finger in the pipe.
Tags:pipe, pipes, dike, dikes, boy with his finger in the dike, hans brinker, silver skates, flood, floods, flooding, flooded, basement, basements, plumber, plumbers, plumbing, plumbing problem, plumbing problems, dam, dams, stop, stops, stopping, hero, heroes, heroic, dutch boy, dutch boys, little dutch boy
'I'm beginning to think the definition of 'hero' isn't what it used to be.'
A plumber pulls cash out from the sewer near a casino.
"The problem is that your trap is one big macaroni."
'Ships plumber reporting for duty.'
"I'm here to fix the lasagne."
"Here's your problem."
"Hand me my claw hammer."
'I have the results of your liver scan. You don't have all your ducts in a row.'
"If the plunger doesn't clear up the condition, bring in your drains and we'll have a look at them."
Tags:plumber, plumbers, plumbing, advice, giving advice, unprofessional, professionalism, lazy, laziness, layabout, layabouts, business man, business men, businessman, businessmen, businessperson, business people, self help, self-help, bad advice, impracticality, modern life, con man, con men, con, cons, unhelpful, unhelpfulness
Tags:plumber, plumbing, emergency plumber, emergency plumbers, plumber, emergency plumbing, superintendent, superintendents, building superintendent, building superintendents, super, supers, caretaker, caretakers, building manager, building managers, apartments, apartment, maintenance, maintenance man, furniture, furniture repair, confusion, confuse, confused, burst pipe, burst pipes, pipe, pipes, water, water leak, leaking water, repair, repairs, repair man, repair men, troubleshoot, troubleshooting, absurd, modern furniture, modern furniture design
"Oh, there's your problem—twenty years of resentment at having to do the dishes."
Tags:relationship, relationships, relationship issues, relationship problems, marriage, marriages, married life, husband, husbands, wife, wives, couple, couples, dishes, washing the dishes, washing up, washing, dish washer, dish washers, dishwasher, dishwashers, plumber, plumbers, plumbing, kitchen, kitchens, resentment, anger, bitterness, rage, chore, chores, housework, blockage, pipe, pipes
Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.
Tags:boa constrictor, boa constrictors, snake, snakes, serpent, serpents, contractor, contractors, contracting, worker, workers, builder, builders, building zone, building zones, plumber, plumbers, extension, extensions, housing project, housing projects, construction sites, the argyle sweater, argyle sweater
"Well, we found out what's been clogging up your drains!"
Tags:drain, drains, clog, clogs, clogging, monster, monsters, tentacle, tentacles, plumber, plumbers, plumbing problem, plumbing problems, clogged, clogged drain, clogged drains, bathroom, bathrooms, home repair, home repairs, home maintenance, basement, basements, kraken, giant squid, giant squids, squid, squids, octopus, octopuses, giant octopus, giant octopuses
'I told you it was a stupid idea to try to fix the disposal with your tie on.'
"Good news! Our septic tank is shot."
'...well as far as leaks go, this is definitely a nasty one!'
This is the 4th time this week!! It's almost as if someone's sabotaging it so it won't flush... Anyhow, I need to set up another service appointment.
Tags:dung, beetle, beetles, bug, bugs, telephone, telephones, phone, phones, plumbing, plumber, plumbers, insect, insects, toilet, toilets, loo, loos, block, blocked, blockages, sabotage, saboteur, sabotages, sabotaging, service, services, air, airs, enquiry, enquires, complains, complaint, the argyle sweater, argyle sweater
'Dave... Your intimate apparel is showing.'
"It's the shower drain again."
'You could go home tomorrow, but it will take the plumber three days to disconnect you.'
'Yep, it's just what I suspected: You've sprung a leak in the main corporate coffee supply line!'