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Translating Contractor to English
'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'
Tags:family life, family-life, septic tank, septic tanks, plunger, plungers, plumber, plumbers, plumbing, christmas morning, christmas mornings, xmas, magic, festive spirit, festive spirits, seasonal spirit, emergency plumber, emergencies, disenchantment, disenchanted, holidays, real life adventures
A plumber heads down to a basement to find a boy with his finger in the pipe.
Tags:pipe, pipes, dike, dikes, boy with his finger in the dike, hans brinker, silver skates, flood, floods, flooding, flooded, basement, basements, plumber, plumbers, plumbing, plumbing problem, plumbing problems, dam, dams, stop, stops, stopping, hero, heroes, heroic, dutch boy, dutch boys, little dutch boy
'I'm beginning to think the definition of 'hero' isn't what it used to be.'
'Your drain pipe was having a bad hair day.'
Tags:drain pipe, drainpipe, drain pipes, drainpipes, drainage pipe, drainage pipes, having a bad hair day, bedhead, bed head, bed headed, do it yourself, do-it-yourself, plumbing, lumber, plumbers, drainage, drainage products, drainage supplies, clog, clogged, clogged up, clogging up, clogged sink, clogged sinks, bathroom, bathrooms, toilet, toilets, excuse, excuses
"The problem is that your trap is one big macaroni."
'Ships plumber reporting for duty.'
"I'm here to fix the lasagne."
"Here's your problem."
"Hand me my claw hammer."
'I have the results of your liver scan. You don't have all your ducts in a row.'
"If the plunger doesn't clear up the condition, bring in your drains and we'll have a look at them."
Tags:plumber, plumbers, plumbing, advice, giving advice, unprofessional, professionalism, lazy, laziness, layabout, layabouts, business man, business men, businessman, businessmen, businessperson, business people, self help, self-help, bad advice, impracticality, modern life, con man, con men, con, cons, unhelpful, unhelpfulness
"I can't find that much hair in a drain and not see stress issues."
"Well, we found out what's been clogging up your drains!"
Tags:drain, drains, clog, clogs, clogging, monster, monsters, tentacle, tentacles, plumber, plumbers, plumbing problem, plumbing problems, clogged, clogged drain, clogged drains, bathroom, bathrooms, home repair, home repairs, home maintenance, basement, basements, kraken, giant squid, giant squids, squid, squids, octopus, octopuses, giant octopus, giant octopuses
"Oh, there's your problem—twenty years of resentment at having to do the dishes."
Tags:relationship, relationships, relationship issues, relationship problems, marriage, marriages, married life, husband, husbands, wife, wives, couple, couples, dishes, washing the dishes, washing up, washing, dish washer, dish washers, dishwasher, dishwashers, plumber, plumbers, plumbing, kitchen, kitchens, resentment, anger, bitterness, rage, chore, chores, housework, blockage, pipe, pipes
Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.
Tags:boa constrictor, boa constrictors, snake, snakes, serpent, serpents, contractor, contractors, contracting, worker, workers, builder, builders, building zone, building zones, plumber, plumbers, extension, extensions, housing project, housing projects, construction sites, the argyle sweater, argyle sweater
This is the 4th time this week!! It's almost as if someone's sabotaging it so it won't flush... Anyhow, I need to set up another service appointment.
Tags:dung, beetle, beetles, bug, bugs, telephone, telephones, phone, phones, plumbing, plumber, plumbers, insect, insects, toilet, toilets, loo, loos, block, blocked, blockages, sabotage, saboteur, sabotages, sabotaging, service, services, air, airs, enquiry, enquires, complains, complaint, the argyle sweater, argyle sweater
'...well as far as leaks go, this is definitely a nasty one!'
"Good news! Our septic tank is shot."
"It's the shower drain again."
'Dave... Your intimate apparel is showing.'
'Yep, it's just what I suspected: You've sprung a leak in the main corporate coffee supply line!'
'You could go home tomorrow, but it will take the plumber three days to disconnect you.'
'Please report any drips to maintenance immediately.'