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"Officer, everything in the world is bothering me."
Tags:police report, police reports, complaint, complain, complains, complaining, annoyance, annoyances, grievance, grievances, patrol, patrols, patrolling, bother, bothers, bothering, petty, pettiness, officer, officers, patrol officer, patrol officers, local police, police department, police departments, waste of time, wastes of time
"He misspoke, I misheard, then shots rang out."
"The robber was about 5' 11"...."
"We were having a fight. He told me to use my words. So, I did."
Tags:fight, fights, fighting, marital dispute, marital disputes, argument, arguments, arguing, condescend, condescending, condescends, violence, use your words, infuriate, infuriating, infuriates, dictionary, dictionaries, big book, big books, using your words, police report, police reports, domestic violence, domestic abuse
"I'd like to report a cloud."
Tags:sunshine, sunny, sunny day, sunny days, desert, deserts, desert life, desert living, warm climate, warm climates, hot climate, hot climates, hot weather, warm weather, cowboy, cowboys, cactus, cacti, cloud, clouds, cloudy day, cloudy days, blue sky, blue skies, sky, skies, emergency, emergencies, police report, police reports
"It's a blue Vauxhall with a magnetic 'Neighborhood Crime Watch' sign."
"A scythe? Why would anyone steal a scythe?"
"Yours is the worst case of identity theft I've investigated."
"So Jack, the man who chased you down the beanstalk is 150 feet tall and green but did he have any distinguishing feature?"
Tags:policeman, police report, police reports, police officer, police officers, fairy stories, yarns, giants, fairy story, yarn, giant, fairytale, fairytales, fairy tale, fairy tales, jack and the beanstalk, distinguishing feature, suspect, suspects, crimes, criminal, criminals, witness description, witness descriptions
"He attacked me with sandpaper. I'm OK, just 'roughed up' a bit!'
"I'd like to report a case of historical sexual abuse in the sixties. I'd like to - but I can't!"
'Give it to me in a nutshell.'
"Would I describe them as youths? Sure. They were certainly younger than 70."
'So where were you at the time of the accident?'
"This identical twin of yours... Can you describe him?"
'Officer, my name is Wilber Robin$son and I'd like to report a trespassing dollar sign.'
Missing Persons: 'They're dwarfs, you say, and all SEVEN are missing?'
'The last words my husband was heard to say were, 'Yippee! I've got all six numbers'!'
'....and how big was this bee, Sir?'
'Hello, Police?...I want to report a Stalker!'
'Have you seen my secretary? I can't seem to locate her.'
'That's nothing like him. The bloke that beat you up was a little skinny guy.'
'Two lads just drove off in our car but I got their number.'
'I don't really want to report my wife missing-just her voice will do.'
"....and I said, 'as a matter of fact, I DO have a bowling ball in my bag'."