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"Milt, I'm beginning to think that you illness is a disharmony of life energy."
"Poison control says it's probably pine tar, Put your finger down his throat until he gags, We need to find out how much wood this woodchuck can up-chuck - or if the woodchuck can even up-chuck wood,"
'It's bad news I'm afraid. Your illness isn't on our performance targets.'
'I stopped taking the medicine because I prefer the original disease to the side effects.'
We have a Royal patient with severe vomiting!
"Who's the sickest?"
'You play the nurse and I'll play God.'
'A harmless mole - but keep an eye on it.'
One funky rash!
'Don't look at me! You're meant to be discharged!'
'You've got the shingles.'
Say it with Flowers: Get well.
'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'
"You're doing fine. The only side effect is that part of you is now my intellectual property."
'The FDA has found that food causes cancer. They're going to outlaw food!'
"He's faking it to get out of school. Bring in his teacher and run some tests."
"Give it to me straight, doc - is there gonna be more paperwork?"
'I wish I had your health.'
"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."
'Doctor I'm tired all the time...' 'Hop up on the couch...next.'
'The patient's medical tag states 'Insulin and Botox dependent', doctor.'
'My patients are picking up so much medical knowledge through the media that I feel more like their consultant than their doctor.'
'Yes, there's something wrong: The voltmeter shows a very low reading...'
Dog in hospital pushes bone-shaped IV,