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"Qualifications on their own aren't enough!"
"John isn't very mechanical."
'I hope your mum is close by if I ever need a tracheotomy.'
Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing
My dad's teaching me how to mow the lawn, fish and use the grill, I'm teaching how to Google, text and use an ipod.
'Today we learned how to make knots!'
"This course covers deceptive student loans, bankruptcy laws and revenge."
'Why don't you put that little black belt thingy to good use, and karate chop me a couple of shelves for the hall closet!'
'Rather than learning how to solve that, shouldn't we be learning how to operate software that can solve that problem?'
"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."
"If we're learning about multitasking, why does she need our 'undivided attention?'"
'Oh look, I a flying saw sir.'
'Michael's never been very good with his hands.'
'I have a master's in 17th century Dutch feminist poetry, but I've never really used it.'
"Baldo, today I'm teaching you how to replace a water trap."
'Ideally, I'd like to work with my hands.'
'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'
"George's poltergeists are terribly clever, they assembled the coffee table for us!"
"For goodness sake, roll your crepe if you want to carry it easily!"
"But I don't need to take swimming lessons. I did an online course."
"Why do we need to learn cursive writing when we can just choose different fonts?"