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"Excuse me, sir - do you have a minute to listen to the dream I had last night?"
"It's Al Gore."
Tags:eskimos, inuit, indigenous people, canada, alaska, greenland, siberia, igloo, igloos, inuit people, snow, snowy, snowing, cold, freezing, chilly, mountains, al gore, vice president, former vice president, vice presidents, former vice presidents, politics, political leader, political leaders, government, government official, government officials, environment, environmentalist, environmentalists, climate change, global warming, presentation, presentations, preach, preaching, teaching, informing
The Itsy-Bitsy Motivational Spider,
'And he said, Come unto me, for it's not what you know, but who you know.'
'Why are you telling me all this? We don't need any more.'
"And the Lord said, 'They shall gradually, so as not to cause unemployment, beat their swords into plowshares.'"
Tags:defense budget, defense budgets, military budget, military budgets, budget cut, budget cuts, downsize, downsizes, downsizing, military industry, military industrial complex, military industrial complexes, unemployment, unemployment rate, unemployment rates, cut, cuts, cutting, cut costs, cuts costs, cutting costs, slash the budget, slashes the budget, slashing the budget, religious right, clergy, clergyman, clergymen, preach, preaches, preaching, bible story, bible stories
"Good sermon, Reverend, but all that God stuff was pretty far-fetched."
Tags:church, churches, sermon, sermons, preach, preaching, preacher, preachers, priest, priests, reverend, reverends, clergyman, clergymen, pastor, pastors, god, bible, religion, religious, religion problems, non-believer, non-believers, unbeliever, unbelievers, belief, beliefs, atheist, atheism, atheists, far-fetched, fantasy, imagination, imaginary
"Stop me if you've heard this one before."
Tags:religion, religious, religious imagery, pulpit, pulpits, church, churches, religions, preach, preaching, preacher, preachers, preached, pastor, pastors, priest, priests, sermon, sermons, story, long, long and boring, boring, bore, bored, heard this, heard before, repeat, repeated, repetitive, irony, ironic, ironically, sunday, christian, christianity, altar, congregation, communication, communicate, storytelling, skill, skills
"Are we interested in exploring the healing wisdom of an ancient culture?"
Tags:relationship, relationships, marriage, married, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, couple, couples, men, man, woman, women, religion, religions, religious, god, gods, culture, cultures, sales, salesman, saleswoman, salesperson, door-to-door sales, door to door sales, preach, preaching, hinduism, hare krishna, ancient
"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven
Tags:eye of a needle, priest, priests, vicar, vicars, mass, church service, church services, church, churches, empty church, empty churches, preacher, preachers, preaching, preach, sermon, sermons, sermonising, congregation, congregations, dog biscuit, dog biscuits, dog, dogs, dog lover, dog lovers, dog owner, dog owners, dog person, dog people
"Have I found Jesus? I didn't know he was missing!!"
If flies went to church
"I see you, Jake--but does anyone have a question that's not about carpentry?"
'Wait a minute Rabbi, I thought you said Judaism wasn't all black and white.'
"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."
Tags:religion, religious, sermon, sermons, reading, preach, preaching, preacher, preachers, minister, ministers, reverend, reverends, priest, priests, clergyman, clergymen, bible, genesis, old testament, creation, creation story, on the seventh day, lord, god, modern life, problem, problems, created, church, churches
"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."
Tags:church, churchgoer, churchgoers, nap, naps, napping, sleep, sleeps, sleeping, snooze, snoozes, sermon, sermons, homily, homilies, speech, speeches, long speech, long speeches, long sermon, long sermons, bored, boring, preach, preachers, preaching, preacher, preachers, uninterested, lack of interest, pray, prays, praying
'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'
Church Pastor Paul Lucas - NOW IN 3D
Tags:church, church goers, entice, enticing, attention grabbing, unnecessary, signs, advertisements, sermon, religion, pastors, preachers, preacher, preach, 3d, opening night, 3-d, sermons, advertising, advertising tactics, advertising strategy, advertising strategies, advertising tactic, advertising tactics
"Ma'am, are you aware of how many braggy, preachy bumper stickers you've got plastered on the back of your car?"
Tags:traffic stop, traffic stops, pulled over, pull over, traffic cop, traffic cops, cop, cops, police, police officer, police officers, driver, drivers, driving, car, cars, automobile, automobiles, vehicle, vehicles, bumper sticker, bumpers stickers, bumper, bumpers, sticker, stickers, brag, preach, boast, gloat, religious, religion, evangelise, evangelist, evangelists
'Looking for a good man is fine, but find your own and not someone else's.'
Tags:pastors, pastor, sermon, preach, preachers, advice, advisory, covet, coveting, envy, jealousy, looking for a man, searching for love, finding love, dating, adulterous, marriage, dating, church, religion, adulteries, affair, affairs, love life, love-life, infidelity, unfaithfulness, sins, religious advice
'You've all been whining a lot lately, so this week's sermon is from the 'Book of Lamentations'....'
"It's a brand-new religion based on balancing the budget."
Tags:balanced budget, balancing the budget, budget, budgets, church, churches, religion, religions, religious, religious follower, religious followers, practical, practicality, revenue, expenditure, expenditures, open-air preaching, preach, preaching, preacher, preachers, street preaching, public preaching, talking to strangers, recruitment, recruiting, spreading the word, spreading the gospel
'God does not call the qualified. He koala-fies the called.'
Todays Sermon: 'Can our entitlements be saved?'
Jesus is a socialist.