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"I want to report some counterfeit luggage."
'Apparently, the locals have over 40 different words for snow!'
"Looks like crime is down."
The glazed-cruller man (the gingerbread man's less swift, but more delicious cousin) makes a fatal error when he rolls into precinct 14.
"I don't know my address or phone number - Maybe you could Google me."
'Let's be careful out there. Remember, there's a lot of cholesterol in donuts.'
'And what kind of eyes did your attacker have?'
'My wife gave me a pair of nunchucks for my birthday -- I think she's trying to kill me!'
'Sorry, we're just closing.'