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'Why, first thing on Monday mornings, do I always get someone who can't enunciate very well?'
"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."
'I have a proceeding hairline. It runs in my family. . .'
'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'
"Let's remain open to closing as we are close to the opening."
'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'
'Blind Corner Proceed with Caution.'
"You mean to say, Mr. 'Smiles,' that someone else left the scene wearing size 22 shoes?"
"Right, let the consumption of alcohol begin."
"Please confine your testimony to "Yes" or "No" answers and skip the "Nevermore" stuff, OK?"
"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."
"Objection, your Honor! This is clearly an immaterial witness!"
"How do I PLEAD? Gee, how pathetically approval-seeking does THAT sound?"
"I think it's a subpoena!"
"And the person who made all those promises, this man you loved, trusted and ran away with, who subsequently stole your life savings and then abandoned you... is he in the courtroom today?"