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"Owing to cutbacks in our news department, here is Rod Ingram to guess at what happened today in a number of places around the globe."
Tags:cutback, cutbacks, news, news program, news programs, journalist, journalists, journalism, small budget, small budgets, smaller budget, smaller budgets, lose money, loses money, losing money, print media, death of print media, profit, profits, profit motive, profit motives, profit margin, profit margins, cut costs, cuts costs, cutting costs, scale back, scales back, scaling back, shrinking audience, shrinking audiences, consequence, consequences, guess, guesses, guessing, guessing game, guessing games, estimate, estimates, estimating, estimation, estimations, reporter, reporters
'Now that's the kind of 'outside the box' thinking I've been talking about.'
"The dip in sales seems to coincide with the decision to eliminate sales staff."
Tags:sales, staff, downsize, downsizes, downsizing, restructure, restructures, restructuring, corporation, corporate, profit, profits, profit margin, profit margins, decline, declines, declining, sales decline, sales declines, shrink, shrinks, shrinking, workforce, workforces, work forces, work force, chart, charts, layoff, layoffs, lay-off, lay-offs, laid off
"You can increase your profits 60% by pressuring staff into more unpaid overtime...that will be ?83,000 please."
We're looking at a six figure return. Unfortunately, they're all zeros.
"With the money we'll save by shutting down quality control, we can issue some truly spectacular apologies."
Tags:quality control, editor, editors, editorial, editorial department, newspaper, newspapers, downsize, downsizes, downsizing, profit, profits, profit margin, profit margins, fact-checker, fact-checkers, fact-checking, factchecker, factcheckers, factchecking, capitalism, capitalist, print media, editorial board, editorial boards, retraction, retractions, retract, retracts, retracting, corporation, corporations, corporate, corporate office, corporate offices, health and safety, safety regulations, regulation, regulations, product safety, profit motive, profit motives, profiting, corporate culture
'We could see the product for $14.95 but we're working to get it up to $49.99.'
We Made a Fortune! 'That's good enough for me. I don't really need the specifics...'
'It was here when Harris decided to 'tweak' things a bit...'
'Is this a piece of artwork or one of our charts?'
Johnny Cash Cow: 'I've got some great seats at the back.'
"Hold everything, Louis!"
Tags:break in, breaks in, breaking in, heist, heists, thief, thieves, steal, steals, stealing, vault, vaults, profit, profits, profit margin, profit margins, second thought, second thoughts, robber, robbers, burglar, burglars, burgle, burgles, burgling, steal, steals, stealing, poor, failing business, failing businesses, failed business, failed businesses, safe, safes, empty safe, empty safes, letdown, letdowns
Bad news airbag
"For this year's financial picture, we've done away with graphs."
Tags:graph, graphs, economics, global economy, graph, graphs, recession, global recession, global economy, economy, picture, business, finance, finances, financial, forecast, economy, economist, comptroller, trends, debt, presentation, presentations, lose money, losing money, profit, profits, profit margin, profit margins, business presentation, business presentations
'I had always thought a gazillion was some made up number.'
"These figures are a disaster, they show us going into free fall. A commercial armageddon... You'll all lose your jobs, your homes, you families will be desitute...begging on the streets! Although an alternative interpretation suggests a temporary slowdow
Tags:profits, cuts, loss, losses, forecast, jump to conclusions, jumping to conclusions, market dip, market dips, market correction, market corrections, upswing, upswings, panic, panics, incite panic, inciting panic, chicken little, sky is falling, profit margin, profit margins, doomsayer, doomsayers
"I know they say that laughter at work is healthy, but not when they're laughing at our profit forecasts!"
"Oh I keep my hand in with war and pestilence, but the real money is in marketing the brand."
'Since that was the two weeks you were on vacation last year, Simms, we're giving you a six week vacation this year.'
'Believe me, targets are essential!'
"We have posted lower second-quarter earnings, reflecting placement of loans to Brazil, Ecuador, and Ms. Dunwoodie on non-accrual status."
"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."
Tags:gobbeldygook, jargon, business jargon, strip bare, stripped bare, stripping bare, business solution, business solutions, profit, profits, profit margin, profit margins, recommendation, recommendations, business recommendation, business recommendations, earning, earnings, earnings report, earnings reports, quarterly earnings, meeting, meetings, budget, budgets, budgeting