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Businessman at a bar mad to look like desk. Bartender says: 'The usual, Mr. B?'
"Stop me if you heard this one."
"Joe, the beautiful people are back from their summer places. Would you mind not coming in anymore?"
"It's the loony bin. They want to know if you're coming back."
Tags:loony bin, loony bins, insane asylum, insane asylums, mental asylum, mental asylums, mental patient, mental patients, asylum, asylums, drinker, drinkers, drunk, drunks, drinking problem, drinking problems, alcohol problem, alcohol problems, landlord, landlords, barmen, barman, telephone, telephones, publican, publicans, politically incorrect, political incorrectness
"You've had enough."
'You can lead a horse to water, son, but try not to drive him to drink.'
"What does your mother have to do to get a drink around here?"
Tags:barmen, barman, landlord, landlords, publican, publicans, bartender, bartenders, bar work, bar worker, bar workers, bar stool, bar stools, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, motherhood, ignore, ignoring, drinks order, drinks orders, drink order, drink orders, customer service, customer satisfaction, customer services
"No more peanuts until you buy another round of drinks."
Tags:peanut, peanuts, round of drinks, drinks round, drinks rounds, nut, nuts, bar nut, bar nuts, pub nut, pub nuts, freeloader, freeloaders, free-loader, free-loaders, freeloading, free-loading, drinks, drinks, barmen, barman, landlord, landlords, publican, publicans, freebie, freebies, cheapskate, cheapskates, miser, misers
'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'
'What's your poison?'
"It's HIM, are you in...?"
"Let 'em try to regulate this!"
Tags:regulation, regulations, cocktail, cocktails, alcohol, alcoholic, alcoholics, cocktail bar, cocktail bars, cocktails bar, cocktails bars, sparkler, sparklers, fire regulation, fire regulations, health and safety, health & safety, regulation, regulations, landlord, landlords, publican, publicans, safety inspector, safety inspectors
'My wife thinks I should go into therapy to find out why I think I don't need it.'
'Do you have any denture friendly sandwiches?'
'Hold on there, Mr. Webster. 1677 isn't prime - it's divisible by 43.'
'Will the lady be coming back, Sir? She hasn't finished her drink.'
"No, I wanted a mai tai."
Tags:cocktail, cocktails, necktie, neckties, neck tie, neck ties, neck-tie, neck-ties, fashion accessory, fashion accessories, landlord, landlords, publican, publicans, barmen, barman, tie, ties, intoxicated, intoxication, drunk, drunks, drinks menu, drinks menus, drunkard, drunkards, misunderstanding, misunderstandings
"I'd like to buy everyone a drink. All I ask in return is that you listen patiently to my shallow and simplistic views on a broad range of social and political issues."
Tags:drinks round, drink round, drinks rounds, drink rounds, drink, drinks, pub, pubs, bar, bars, political issue, political issues, political view, political views, drinking companion, drinking companions, drinking buddy, drinking buddies, pub, pubs, bar, bars, landlord, landlords, publican, publicans, opinionated, opinion, opinions
'The bar's famous for its high spirits.'
'Hoots-Mon... with a wee dram at these prices I'll never get tipsy!'
'What do you think they call me?'
Tags:wine, wines, landlord, landlords, barmen, barman, publican, publicans, drink, drinks, nickname, nicknames, nick-name, nick-names, name, names, contact, contacts, wine cellar, wine cellas, wine connoisseur, wine connoisseurs, contact list, contact lists, mobile, mobiles, cell, cells, phone, phones, cabernet, drinking
'Happy hour was over an hour ago. Wipe that stupid grin off your face!'
'Whats your poison.'
'Damn early birds.'