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"Here's the train, now!"
'For your security and comfort, heat seeking anti aircraft missiles are mounted on coach D, the buffet car, which serves...'
"Please keep all your belongings with you at all times."
'What time does the train leave for Shangrila?'
"Do something creative with the time! I make voodoo dolls of Southern Rail and ASLEF bosses."
"Sorry - no old bags on seats...!"
"Excuse me, I think you'll find I've reserved that luggage rack space ..."