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'So which camp are you in, Conan or Leno?'
'They hired a chimp to read the news! The ratings war must really be heating up.'
'This one is for helping win the TV ratings war with my expert commentary.'
'I'm an on-air military analyst for a TV news broadcast. This medal is for participating in the ratings war.'
"Apparently Dave has given up on winning the ratings war. He's switched to clip-on ties."