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'According to my wife, I snore, and one of these nights I may stop breathing.'
'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'
Tags:family life, family-life, septic tank, septic tanks, plunger, plungers, plumber, plumbers, plumbing, christmas morning, christmas mornings, xmas, magic, festive spirit, festive spirits, seasonal spirit, emergency plumber, emergencies, disenchantment, disenchanted, holidays, real life adventures
'When I say 'February' what do you think of? . . . I was hoping for 'Valentine's Day', but I guess that was a long shot.'
'I'm in equities and mutual funds. You?'
' . . . We're releasing you into the wild so that you fly free, my young eaglet. Don't forget to tweet.'
'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'
'Hey, there's an IRS truck out front. And a bunch of agents. I'll bet they're delivering our refund. . .'
'Wow, this furniture store is overstocked again. And they're cutting prices again. This is like the 50th time this year.'
'He said it was going to be sunny and warm, but it's cold and rainy. So I stopped by the tv station, kidnapped the weather guy, and brought him here to the picnic to get soaked with the rest of us. Can you blame me?'
'Wow, is this what we owe?'
'How about we get this closet organizer as a together gift?'
'But you said to get you up at 6 because you had to wash your hair. . . but you said not matter how much you. . . but. . .'
Tags:early morning, early mornings, hair, washing hair, wake up, wake ups, call, calls, husband, husbands, wife, wives, married life, married couple, married couples, morning person, morning people, sleeping in, lying in, lie in, lie ins, alarm, alarms, alarm clock, alarm clocks, real life adventures
'I thought you were' going to straighten up the closet? . . . Too late. I just did it. Once again, the potential of promises is mugged in the alley by the 3 stooges - shoulda, coulda, and woulda.'
'My door is always open. . . Just don't come in.'
'They say the secret to public speaking is to pick out one person in the audience and talk to him.' 'Well, did you?' 'Yeah. Unfortunately the person I picked out was snickering, pointing and whispering to the guy next to him.'
'Somehow, with the world the way it is, calling a conference room where we decide whether our logo should be square or rectangular 'the war room' seems a tad. . .'
'Maybe dad shouldn't have been carving the pumpkin while his team was losing on TV.'
'Nothing, honey, except flare up unexpectedly and cause a lot of trouble. Sort of like your uncle.'
'I'm feigning ignorance.'
'The good news is I just dethatched the lawn. The bad news is the lawn was nothing but thatch. . .'
'You're not bidding on something again, are you? . . . So when some goofy item and a debit in our account show up at roughly the same time, I am to assume what?'
'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'
'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'
'I put the steaks on.' 'Are you crazy? The potatoes aren't even close to done. The steaks will be coal by the time they're ready.' 'No they won't, we're almost out of propane.'
'BZZZ. . . Don't bother setting it for Monday. You won't be waking up here.'