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'My policy is to stay in close contact with my employees . . . figuratively speaking.'
'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'
"Now that you're forty, you look so much like the man I sought solace with when your father was out w***ing around."
"Good evening. I am Martha's son by a previous marriage."
Tags:dinner party, dinner parties, party, parties, host, hosts, introduce, introducing, introduction, introduction, introduces, nuclear family, nuclear families, step son, step child, previous marriage, previous marriages, son, sons, welcome, welcomes, welcoming, child, children, relation, relations, divorce, divorces, uncomfortable, unhappy
'What if, and I know this sounds kooky, we communicated with the employees.'
When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!
In case of disgruntled employee break glass.
Tags:ancestor, ancestors, ancestry, family tree, family trees, relative, relatives, relation, relations, family, family life, family-life, extended family, extended families, uncle, cavemen, caveman, cavewomen, cavewoman, tribe, tribes, neanderthal, neanderthals, prehistory, family historian, family historians, family history
'You'll notice the boss has boundaries.'
When you said you were going to track down your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET.
'Nuts, nuts, nothing but nuts!' When Squirrels Search Their Family Trees.
'Sorry, but I've forgotten your name. Turn around and let me scan your UPC code.'
'How can you make so many mistakes in one report?'
The number of couples separating keeps growing.
Tags:separating, separation, separations, divorcing, marital breakdown, marriage breakdown, marriage breakdowns, marital breakdowns, separated, divorce, divorces, divorce rate, divorce rates, couples, couple, relation, relations, gender equality, relation problems, marriage, lazy husband, lazy husbands, wife, wives, husband, husbands
"You need more info? Listen, son, our ancestors faked it, I fake it, and by gawd, it's time you learned to fake it."
'He loves me, he loves me not...'
Tags:love, in love, monogamy, polyamory, polyamorous, valentine, valentines day, st valentine, relation, relationship, gender differences, desires, relationship, differing goals, different desires, girls, boys, men and women, what women want, what men want, dating, dates, serial dating, psychology of relationships
'I traced your genealogy. Better have a seat.'
'That's your Uncle Joe. He's the black sheet of the family.'
'I hear all the relatives look forward to coming here and seeing us. How come we don't look forward to seeing them?'
'You're much more than a number to us, number 973528, er...873982...ah, 8932...'
"I think my grandmother might have married him and brought him home after the war, since then he's just been sat by the fire..."
GENEALOGY - FAMILY TREE RESEARCH, 'Whoa! -- John Wilkes Booth AND Benedict Arnold?'
Filers should not marry pilers.
IQ test for birds.
'Actually, I don't know who this is. They came with the frame.'