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"I'd love to, but I can't today, Larry. I'm working on my marriage."
"Your father loves me very much, in his own way, and I love your father very much, in my own way, and that's why we're getting a divorce."
"That's the dating guru."
"You knew I was free range when you met me."
"It's like I'm invisible."
"Before things got complicated, we used to make beautiful music together..."
"It's like she always has to get the last..." "word."
'What did she think was going to happen??'
"We're cutting back on therapy. You?"
'So, John, you feel you're in an abusive relationship.'
Symbiotic Relationship Counselor
"He keeps moaning on about how he needs space!"
"Why do I think we need to see a counselor, John? I'm starting to enjoy talking to telemarketers!"
Eve was an Adam balm.
'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'
"She has control issues."
'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'
John, don't be impatient. You knew when we married that some assembly is required.
See, Bill? They DID remember us this Valentine's Day!
Okay, let me guess...we're eating baked ham and meat loaf on a bed of fish sticks because you combined all the leftovers...
'My wife doesn't understand me. But, the kids, hey no problem.'
'Give my husband a book and I don't know I've got one!'
'Everytime I kiss him he says he can't breathe.'
"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"
"He hangs out at parties, and gets smashed, but he wants me to believe he's always being attacked by innocent little school children."