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Angel in heaven walking a dog that is peeing off of a cloud
"The wings are addictive."
"Sorry, all the wings are standard."
"I died in my sleep."
"And now, if I may, I'd like to put You on hold for a moment while I have a few words with Mammon."
Tags:religion, religious, god, pray, prayer, prayers, praying, bible, biblical, new testament, mammon, evil, business, businessman, businessmen, money, finances, wealth, wealthy, rich, greed, greedy, avarice, materialism, materialistic, communication, phone, phones, telephone, telephones, call, calls, put on hold, hold, holding
"Oh them, They're contrarians."
"Or,if you prefer, I also have lox and bagels."
Tags:religion, religious, bible, biblical, genesis, book of genesis, adam, eve, first humans, creation story, creation myth, animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, snake, snakes, serpent, serpents, food, bagel, bagels, lox, salmon, jewish cuisine, jewish, jewish delicacies, choice, choices, tempting, original sin
"God has chosen to ignore my prayers concerning the outcome of this year's election, and so I feel that I am once again free to be a very bad little boy."
Tags:politics, politician, politicians, political, political leader, political leaders, government, governments, president, presidents, election, elections, relationship, relationships, marriage, married, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, couple, couples, men, man, woman, women, god, gods, religion, religious, prayer, prayers, pray
"I've been hearing nothing but good things about you."
"Then it's agreed. Judgment Day, whenever it comes, will fall on a Thursday, so that they'll get the long weekend."
Tags:religion, religious, god, heaven, bible, biblical, angel, angels, judgement day, last judgement, final judgement, day of judgement, doomsday, the day of the lord, second coming of christ, business, planning, scheduling, timetable, timetables, long weekend, long weekends, timetabling, meeting, meetings, board meeting, board meetings, decision, decisions, deciding, choosing a date, deciding on a date, settling on a date, committee, committees, weekend, weekends
"I'd be no kind of Christian if I left a disabled guy and his sleepy friend out in the rain - hop in!"
Tags:rain, raining, rained, pour, pouring, give a lift, give a ride, car, cars, hitchhiker, hitchhiking, hitchhikers, dead, death, murder, murderers, murdered, disability, disabled, disabled person, sleepy, sleep, tired, christian, christianity, christians, kindness, kind, good deed, good deeds, bad deed, bad deeds, juxtaposition, foolish, fool, made a fool of, gullible, trustful, trusting, naive, naivety, unsuspecting, religious, religious person, religious people, religion, moral, immoral, morality, stranger danger, dangerous, danger
"Today's sermon will be followed immediately by a rebuttal from the opposition."
Tags:religion, religious, god, phone, phones, cellphone, cellphones, cell phone, cell phones, cellular phone, cellular phones, mobile phone, mobile phones, smart phone, smart phones, smartphone, smartphones, app, apps, application, applications, technology, praying, prayer, prayers, plague, plagues, weather, apocalypse, lightning bolt, lightning bolts, prophet, prophets, love, romance, soulmate, soulmates, holy book, bible, bibles, biblical, devil, email, emails, e-mail, e-mails, game, games, social media, social networking, social network, social networks
"Mr. Levine, may I see you a moment?"
"Remember,this is a one-shot, not an entitlement."
"A yin-yin situation"
Tags:religion, religious, bible, biblical, old testament, exodus, book of exodus, deuteronomy, book of deuteronomy, moses, commandment, commandments, ten commandments, 10 commandments, decalogue, mount sinai, mt. sinai, children of israel, israelite, israelites, questioning, doubting, suspicious, bad attitude, backtalk, talk back
"Another near-death experience."
"We do pretty well when you stop to think that people are basically good."
"Limbo as such has been phased out, but we'll be keeping you on hold for an unspecified amount of time."
Tags:religion, religious, death, dead, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, god, limbo, purgatory, nothingness, uncertain, unspecified, unknown, phased out, gone, hold, holding, on hold, holds, time, waiting, technology, phone, phones, telephone, telephones, calls, call, calling, customer service, service
"Excuse me, have you heard how great I am?"
Tags:god, gods, flyer, flyers, street, streets, preacher, preachers, street preacher, street preachers, religion, religions, religious, gospel, open-air preaching, public preaching, great, greatness, handout, handouts, leaflets, leaflet, advert, advertising, adverts, announce, announcement, poster, posters, sell, selling, advertisement, arrogant, arrogance, self-important, self important
Jesus sighted walking off Malibu.
"This is what I hate about spring—molting!"
Tags:religious, religious imagery, religion, religions, heaven, heavens, angel, angels, angelic, wing, wings, feather, feathers, feathered, nature, natural, animal, animals, bird, birds, molt, molting, moult, moulting, seasons, spring, spring time, visual gag, literal, practicality, practicalities, logistics, logistical, practical implications
"Lucky for you, you died during a bear market."
Tags:religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, entering heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, market, markets, stock market, stock markets, stockbroker, stockbrokers, trader, traders, investor, investors, investing, business, businessman, businessmen, investment, investments, bear market, luck, lucky, stock, stocks, trading, money, finances
'It makes baptisms a lot more fun for everyone.'